love-augustine

days without u

2007-03-25T21:29:00.000+08:00

girl.. i missing u right now.. this very moment!! 3 days never see u le worx.. only hear from u on the phone and msg nia.. but still thats enuff.. hee..

wow.. today dear so cute.. she msg me that she miss me lehx.. like wow lo.. cox she hardly say this type of thing de.. hahax.. say one simple i love u also like so hard.. hee.. hahax.. super duper happy.. hahax..

ytd no update cox play dota till forget.. when i finish 3 lioax.. so scare.. faster go slp.. cox the next day need wake up at 7.. then in the end overslept.. woke up at 8.15.. then must bring my brother to church.. reach there at 8.30.. in the end late worx.. zzz.. then got big scolding from mummy.. reach home le help to pack the house.. shift things.. take out old stuff and pass to the kara guni man lo.. what a day.. lol.. quite tired.. injure my leg.. oh man.. hurtx.. dear some more so worry.. sry worx.. never take care of myself..

ytd night was quite busy.. working.. but luckily this time i prepared.. so my bar was not jam!! woots.. lol.. but lots of cakes order.. cox all half price after nine.. then so many ppl buy.. lol.. cake fiesta.. hahax.. was fun working.. i like working at cartel.. lots of fun stuff to do that.. the ppl there are friendly.. lol.. having fun with our very own cartel family.. our funny nicknames.. lol.. fruits.. lol.. really is fun working there.. yeah..

tml going nyp.. go plan my sch timetable.. hope next year can study better.. hopex..

wondering how dear ish now.. go call her..

love
love me
love augustine me
endx..

wonderful life

2007-03-24T00:45:00.000+08:00

today overslept!!! then never go help mummy work.. so sorry.. cox of my late night games so always sleep so late.. oh man.. very worry about my poly timetable.. fuk that teacher.. why fail me.. stupid.. hate that module.. i rather go do those computer de.. more fun lo.. hiashx.. no choice.. got to stuck with that course.. learnt a big lesson from it..

ALWAYS STUDY HARD AT FIRST.. MEANING FROM YOUNG.. OR NOT COME TO POLY OR JC CANNOT STUDY THAT COURSE THAT YOU WANT!!!

haishx.. already study halfway le.. must as well continue.. no one to blame except myself.. who call me starting dun take things seriously.. always play and play.. now regret also too late lioax.. now i know why they say they prefer studying than working.. well.. adult world.. here i come..

hmm.. say things more positive bahx..

actually i did not expect my mum to accept me dear de lehx.. cox i tot she dun like me having girlfriend.. but when i brought her home.. and my mother come back from work.. she was like chatting with my girl.. and both of them were in a conversation.. seriously.. i was shock.. then i tot about the past.. cox i remember my mother sort of object my past girlfriend.. giving it a thought.. maybe at that time she worry about the relationship between me and my past girlfriend will affect my studies bahx.. then there they were chatting.. and lata after my mother leave the house cox she got stuff to do.. then i was thinking.. wow.. this really happening to me.. good things.. everything i had ever dreamt of.. was happening to me right now.. right this instance.. i was very happy. i want to shout out loud.. i told my girl how i feel and she kept laughing at me and keep scolding me bai chi.. zzz.. lol.. but still she still cute in her ways.. dear.. lol..

from her i learnt new things.. about love and life.. i really treasure her lots.. cox i find it hard to find someone like her.. she once told me.. that must treasure her worx.. cox she treat me super good.. she said it in a joking way.. but i reply her that i will not let her go.. but there is a part of me.. that secretly enter my feelings.. giving me a bad feeling.. like say what if we break up.. will that day ever come.. cox i dun wan too.. i mean i dun bear to leave her.. i told her how i felt.. and she also say the same thing to me.. that she ever thought of it.. in the end.. she reply me one thing.. dun think so much.. and i look at her.. and say.. i dun wan ever think of bad things between u and me cox all i care ish the happiness and joy from our relationship.. let nature take its course.. i will go on with u forever as long as i can.. and at that part.. i kiss her..

its amazing how much love can do or make a person to be.. there is still much more to learnt.. life's a long learning journey.. we will be learning as much as we can as we grow older and wiser..

love
love me
love augustine me
endx

bac in blogging

2007-03-22T23:26:00.000+08:00

wow.. was quite a long time since i update my blog.. lol.. hmm.. got to thanks my dar.. seok chin for helping me to change my blog and make it nice nice..

not bad ar.. make till so professional.. lol.. thkx dar.. mauckx..

this long while when i never update.. alot of things happened! i got a job.. working part time at cafe cartel hougang mall.. and still studying at nanyang poly.. helping my mother work at her new shop at chinatown.. and also.. me got dear le.. lol.. so happy..

but sad things also quite alot.. hmm.. father had gone away to rest in peace le.. was quite sad cox he left without a word.. may GOD please bless him.. and dear papa.. bless us 3.. mummy me and austin.. hope the three of us can pull thru together.. overcome all problems and troubles.. and may we always stay united..

now got dear come help me oso.. very much thkx her.. really worx.. dear.. u are the best.. really.. was really very happy when u come into my life.. never expect u will fall in love with me.. cox me still the usual.. fat and ugly.. lol.. but still u brought joy into my life again.. i cannot thank u enough dear.. cox i feel so xin fu for the 1st time in my whole life.. and this feeling ish great girl.. ohhh.. hope u just know how much i love u.. hee.. promise to always be by ur side no matter what happens..

today dear come my house help iron clothing then burnt her hand hand abit.. sorry girl.. should not have let u do all the hard work.. but in the end.. i also burnt my own hand with the stupid iron.. zzz.. lol.. but it was a fun experience.. 1st time iron clothing.. can u believe it.. lol.. 20 years old lioax.. 1st time iron.. must sound pathetic but its true.. lol..

hmm.. it sure feels good to update again.. yeah..

love
love me
love augustine me
endx

what ish love?

2006-08-03T21:57:00.000+08:00

What ish love all about.. who knows the answer.. who seeks for the answer.. who always run away from the truth and the answer.. guess no one knows the true meaning of love.. or maybe some do.. but love this word brings lots of meaning.. it brings alot of other things along with it.. like jealousy, hurts, joy, etc.. and for me i miss that feeling.. truely..

sometimes in a relationship.. one has to give and take and forgive and forget.. cox u love that person so much i suppose u cannot bear to lose that person.. so dun mention the word break no matter how serious ur quarrel ish.. once a wrong move or decision ish made.. the very next day u will regret and then u will feel the whole world has just collapase right in front of ur eyes.. but this also have pros and cons.. meaning there ish another thing.. cox if u choose the wrong type of partner or fall in love with the wrong person.. i dun think the forgive and forget part would help much as the outcome would be break and patch.. like that whats the use..

second chances are hard to get in life.. believe me its really hard.. thats why we need to cherish whateva things we have now.. for example u need to treasure ur love ones around u.. for they give u so much support along the way.. like me.. i now treasuring everything.. i hope its not too late..

love this thing has become to come to me again.. the feeling of finding someone i love had also been kind of bugging me.. the urge the feeling ish just so hard to stop thinking.. but what to do.. sit here and wait? i cannot be go and know more ppl right.. i think once they see me i guess they will think twice to see if they wan to know me or not.. this is the part that leave me depression.. sometimes in life i hope to do sth good.. like sth that will make my family proud of me.. but all i do was just to hurt them more.. i feel like i am so useless.. even her.. i try to make her happy.. always be there for her.. but she ish still sad.. i dunch know what i do is right or wrong.. this is the 1st time i ever felt that i am nothing in this world.. my studies not strong.. always making ppl around me angry or sad.. i am thinking.. what can i do?

saying about love.. lets me think of being cared by someone.. i always think of how the feeling of being cared by someone feels.. i cared for one person.. but she neber ever tell me how she feel.. i only scare she will feel irritated by me.. i also dun know.. but i had always cared for ppl and her.. i just wan to be cared.. like someone always there for me when i sad.. someone i can tok to.. someone i look for.. and someone who only see my tears.. but guess i will not have that chance.. why? how i hope someone can care for me.. like the way i did.. ish it fortunate to be cared?

i never realise how important u meant to me till the day i had u in my arms..
i never believe in miracles until i get to contact u again..
i dunch care what other ppl say what i do ish right or wrong for i believe in myself..
i dunch wish u to be sad n hungry.. promise me will u.. but u only like to haha.. zZz..
i will love u as much as i can.. even it hurts or just to scarifice for u..
i will always be here whenever u need me.. call or msg and i'll be there..

love
love me
love augustine me..
Mo0d5w1nG bO!

bo lioa story!!!
boy: i love u
girl: (thinking) i love u..
boy: yeah.. i so happy..
girl: why u happy?
boy: cox u love me..
girl: if i dun love u will u be happy?
boy: of cox not..
girl: but i will..
boy: why?
girl: why what?
boy: why u say u will?
girl: of cox i will.
boy: (crying) what did i do wrong? why? i do everything for u then like that..
girl: (confused) why are u crying? what u talking about?
boy: (crying more) u not going to love me anymore.. u wan to dump me.. is it what all this ish about?
girl: (laughing) so is it because of this?
boy: (eyes red, still crying) where ish ur cooling heart (liang xin).. still can laugh.. u really going to be happy?
girl: i say i will love u.. not i will be happy.. u think till where?
boy: (dun know wan to cry or laugh) oh i see..
the end

what ish love

2006-08-03T21:06:00.000+08:00

i am fine..

2006-07-17T21:19:00.000+08:00

Hey.. long time no update le.. tell u guys what.. i had not been sad at all.. guess after i had made all my feelings right.. i am much more a happier person.. although deep down inside myself.. i want to love her.. i want her to love me.. i want to spend all of my time avaible with her.. but i think this is the right choice that i tell myself to stop loving her.. at least this way she will be more happier.. and of cox when i love her i wan her to be happy..

u must take care ok? dunch always moodswing.. anything can come find me.. i will sure help u till the end.. no matter whats ur problem or what u are suffering.. just look for me.. i will try my best to make u laugh.. or maybe try to make u smile at least.. i wan u to have a feeling that whenever u are with me.. i will always feel safe and happy.. i dunch wish u to feel stress whenever i am with u.. dunch worry.. i have made my feelings clear.. u must take care..

love.. yupx.. i been thinking about it too.. i wish to love.. i hope to love.. but just cannot seem to find it.. or maybe its been looking for my as much i am looking for it.. well.. who knows.. and thkx my friends.. for they told me the same thing.. if u wan.. u can look for it de.. u can sure find love.. i agree with them.. i kinda of lazy to go find or try to make more new friends.. but after much thinking.. i might be able to find love.. but just is it true love? i dunch quite know.. or maybe i dunch have the things girls look into a guy for bahx..

i envy alot of ppl.. ppl who can love and be love.. always so tian mi mi everytime.. i had experience it once.. and only once.. that was really very romantic feeling.. i cherish it and treasure it so much.. and i only had loved one person so much.. sometimes there are some who had the chance to be love.. but they did not accept the person although they felt that they too had feelings.. come to think of it.. it ish really hard to make a decision though..

love really bring alots of lessons learnt.. some went thru good experiences while some had bad.. i once think if there was no such thing call love in this world.. would we all survive? love makes u happy when being able to find someone who u truely love.. and can be loved.. but if cannot find it.. one have to suffer to love that person.. its kind of weird though.. but i learnt alot from it..

i am now really quite happy with what i have now.. but i hope i can love again.. i want to experience the way of being love and love someone.. lol.. sounds kinda stupid though.. i must agree.. where got ppl so desperate till like that de.. hahax.. but just a sudden rush inside of me to write this out.. maybe someone out there ish waiting? or am i waiting for someone?

treasure all ur loved once if possible.. every relationship is quite precious.. cox once its lost, its very hard to get it back.. treasure that person.. trust that person.. cox in the end that person might be the one u been waiting all ur life for.. who knows.. love can make ppl happy.. and can make ppl sad.. but still there are alot of pp loving one another.. whenever a fight broke up between a couple.. dunch say say then break up cox like after every rain.. there will be rainbow which ish colourful and joyous.. so after after fight or quarrel.. take that chance and talk.. sort out each others differences.. and then.. the love between each other will be more stronger..

lol..
love
love me
love augustine me
will u?

love u no more

2006-06-29T21:36:00.000+08:00

Yes.. i had to tell myself i dun love u anymore.. and that will come true.. i will show u.. i admit.. i love u.. yes.. and now u avoiding me because of this then i guess its time to stop right? ya.. tok to u just now.. was fighting every of my emotions..

now i have been clear of what i wan.. and what i will do.. love sure brings joy to those.. but in the dark.. it hurts most.. so.. now to stop my hurt and to let u carry on with ur happiness and joy.. i will stop loving u..

the only thing i going to miss is those times that i spend with u.. not online ish it online or offline.. or going out.. i dun think we will be sitting with each other side by side.. ciggy in one hand.. or pei u eat.. seeing u eat.. or just to see u do ur things.. i going to miss all those.. those i really treasure in my life.. i dun know why but i really love u.. since if u dun wan me too.. i guess i have to stop..

augustine now officially dun love her anymore.. its true.. all i am to her ish friends.. i do not know if there is a best in front but we are friends.. but i guess she still angry or irritated by me.. either ish my actions or maybe she is feeling moody bahx.. if she scold me she can be happy i dun mind.. all i wan her ish to be happy.. thats all..

i really going to miss those times i spent with u.. what to do.. for ur happiness.. my small scacrifice is worth it.. and i really hope this time love will not make u cry.. but tell u 1st.. i will still be here.. for u.. not waiting for u to love me.. but i will be here for u if u need me.. just call me and i will be there.. whenever u need me.. i promise.. i know u always tell me promises are meant to be broken but i dun want it to be broken cox its for u..

take care lots..
love
love me
love augustine me
bye..

given up hope..

2006-06-27T21:39:00.000+08:00

love hurts.. deep down.. i been recieving alot of questions.. my friends all asking me if i patch back with her.. and when i say no.. they dun believe me.. cox they always see me and her together everytime.. but the truth ish really.. no.. i neber ever did patch back with her.. i was just her friend.. but yes.. i wan to patch back.. i wan to prove to her that my love will be different.. but she just dun wan to give me a chance.. well.. its ok.. i dun wan to force love.. i rather wan it come naturally.. but too think that my chances are gone.. not even one.. it hurts me lots..

for the past i been helping her with alot of things.. i pei her when she bored.. i buy ciggy and we share.. when she was sad.. i was there.. when she need someone cox of her family problems.. i was there.. she was hungry and sad.. i was there too.. but i guess she neber ever need notice me or notice what i had done for her.. its just only a orh.. like i should be doing that for her.. i dun know if i am doing the right thing.. its just.. i feel like doing those things for her.. but now i guess i cannot even have the chance to pei her go out anymore..

i dun blame her.. maybe she think i am not good enuff for her.. or maybe i am really that sux in love.. who knows the real answer.. or could be the feeling ish not right bahx.. just hope she can find someone who can love her the way she love that person.. cox the way she love a person is so amazing.. that the person will feel happy whenever when he is with her.. but just hope that guy (whoever it is) to treat her well.. i dun wish her to get hurtx again..

at 1st.. i tot after the ton.. everything is going to be ok.. we will be fine.. happy with each other.. cox i can see she is treating me more better.. when see me will laugh.. happy.. smile smile.. but now.. i see more of her anger and sadness in me.. i guess maybe she ish kinda irritated by me.. i dun know what happen or what cause this.. maybe she already found someone she can love.. and there is no use of me anymore..

i so sad now.. i dun know what to do.. i wan to love.. who doesn't.. but i not given any chances.. some more i dunch think i can share my problems with anyone except post in the blog bahx.. cox i guess she dun like to hear my problems.. when she hear she will scold me or say me and we will cold war.. who can i relate my problems too.. suddenly in this world i feel alone.. but the funny thing ish when other ppl tell her their problems she will consuel them.. tell them what to do.. but what about me? nth? hiashx..

my life really is in a mess again.. studies is getting better le.. at least thats good.. but in love and family.. everything ish worse..

i really love u.. i know u dun wan to hear me saying this to u anymore le.. but i really do.. guess now i had to give up.. and just sit and wait till u need my company again.. but when is that going to be? u promise me we will patch.. but i guess its a lie.. and who knows i am right.. why.. why.. which part of me do u not like.. hiashx..

love
love me
love augustine me..
i see dark clouds over me..
raindrops splash on me..
but i when i look up the sky..
its so bright..
i so down..
i not trying to gain pity from anyone..
is just i wan to write down how i feel..
sad..

what to do..

2006-06-25T10:55:00.000+08:00

i lost now.. i am so confuse on what i should do.. i mean.. i like her.. i did try to tell her alot of time.. but i dunch think she ever did like me bahx.. i also not sure.. or maybe she do like me.. or i am just not the right kind of guy for her bahx.. cox i guess there are much more handsome and better guys than me around her.. so why will she choose me even though i did lots for her.. i also dun know if i do is right or wrong.. it just that the more i do things for her.. the more happy she become.. the more i love her.. but i dunch get the love back.. i so scare.. i really scare if one day she found a new boyfriend then what about me..

i guess i lose all my confidence in my dream ytd night.. cox i use to think another way.. i use to think that if i continue to be with her maybe she will accept me.. but now i dunch think i have that confidence to think like that.. my dream.. i was with her.. so happy.. i try to hold her hand and i did it.. she did not reject me.. and as we are walking shopping along.. she suddenly let push my hand away and run towards a very handsome guy and hug him.. then lata she intro to me that is her boyfriend.. at that point.. i felt the whole world just fall down right before me.. then i woke up.. i start to think.. if she really were to find a boyfriend outside.. will i feel that way.. if i will then i got to do sth to stop it.. and again i think alot of stupid things.. i not saying that she should not find a boyfriend or what.. i am not controlling or fighting against her freedom to have a boyfriend or find new guys.. i just wondering what will happen if she leave me.. *thinking*

[F]orever [E]verlasting [N]everending, is what i see in love.. and those words in bracket is the person i love.. maybe its time for me to see clearly and understand the truth.. take it harshly and just keep the hurt inside of me.. we really cannot be together le right.. even no matter how hard i try to be good to u.. i must think that i will be ur best friend, ur true friend and a real friend.. i will be understanding.. but no matter how things change.. no matter what will happen.. my love for u will neber change.. it may sound silly.. but there is no one else that i can love expect for u.. i love you..

still thinking..
love
love me
love augustine me

a feeling

2006-06-21T12:11:00.000+08:00

There is an uncertain feeling in my heart.. cox i dun know what i wan to be.. days after the ton.. i been feeling very sianx.. i have no mood to do anything.. no mood to study or play.. or even to go out.. i not sure whats wrong with me..

but soon i found out whats wrong.. its because in my heart i missing the times i spent with her.. those times and days are so enjoyable.. seeing her already makes me happy like anything.. now.. i cannot be with her.. i cannot see her.. my heart aches.. but i still need to try to get over the ache.. no point feeling sad and moody.. sometimes i will think.. what if she already found another person that she like.. or maybe a stead.. i am wondering.. is it everyone who like someone have this type of same thinking as me? i really do not know.. i had once tot that love should be a couple meet for the 1st time and can feel that certain connection between them and then they start to develop.. although i see and heard of many things like one person like another person.. but the person who got like dun seem to care about the person who like.. and the one hurts the most is the person who likes.. and the person who got like ish so fortunate.. but i guess they dun realise it themselves.. lol.. opps.. i kinda of confused about what i typing.. what like and got like.. hope u all understand.. hahax..

in my heart i know its u..
love
love me
love augustine me

had joy and hurts.

2006-06-20T23:20:00.000+08:00

Been quite long since i update.. this few days dun have the feeling to update so neber update lo.. but now since quite sianx.. some more also dun know what to do then come update..

hmm.. i went to ton at pasir ris park.. had lots of fun.. but also very tired.. cox hardly can get enuff slp.. the ppl there at night.. twelve midnight still there banging and making noise.. super noisy.. the mata come a while say say and in the end also no use.. they also continue to make those noise.. lol.. but did enjoy myself..

take alot of new pictures too.. but dun know nice or not.. lol.. now must study hard le bahx.. common test coming le.. no choice.. need to study.. sianx.. hate studying.. i rather enjoy and have fun.. if everyday i can ton outside.. wahx.. i believe i am in heaven lioax.. lol..

well.. i did sth today.. i go ask her for us to be together.. i know it sound kind of stupid.. cox i guess i already know the answer is either no or dun know.. and i still ask.. some more now she recently kind of sad and moodswing.. plus super tired.. kind of worry for her.. but dun know what i can do to help.. some times i feel i am so useless.. so hopeless.. just cannot make her happy.. but i hope i did in other ways.. i find that when i meet her and we talk or be able to see each other.. she will be there laughing at my actions.. my super cold lame jokes.. it makes me happy to see her like that.. but when i at home online.. i dun often get to see her laugh.. or maybe to see a lol when we chat at msn.. maybe she have some family problems at home.. so she kind of sad and irritated bahx.. but when she outside with me.. she always laugh and smile.. and i enjoying making her laugh.. now i just can hope she will recover from all her sadness and start to laugh again..

me too also have my own problems.. still the same three problems.. but guess they are improving well expect for my family things bahx.. i come to a conclusion where i really cannot connect with my family.. i not sure.. maybe ish just my imagination or just a feeling.. i not sure..

oh.. i love being with u.. not only thru online but thru meeting u.. seeing u by myside.. laughing.. playing.. or what.. i just like u beside me.. the look of u ish just so cute.. if can i dun wan to leave u or even to let u go.. when i cannot see u.. i so sad.. so no mood.. i cannot concentrate on my things cox i will be thinking how are u.. when i can see u.. i will be so excited that i beg the time to faster go.. and when i finally be with u i hope for time to slowly down.. i cherish and treasure the moment when i am with u.. i really fall in love with u.. but dun know if u will accept me once more.. every second.. minute.. hour.. with u.. ish so precious i cannot even take any time to waste it.. cox i dun think in my life i ever love a person so deeply.. i had let u off and fly away from my arms but i hope u can come bac to my arms again.. this time arms of happiness and love.. no more hurts.. no more quarrels.. i love you.. can u tell me u love me too..

love really hurts..
but for u..
its worth it..
love
love me
love augustine me..

foreva here..
foreva me..
foreva love..

unlucky no more..

2006-06-09T21:35:00.000+08:00

after long time of no updating my blog.. i am finally bac.. hahax.. well.. the main reason ish cox i am no longer unhappy.. and also that i been spending most of my time with her.. so no time update.. hahax.. play game and pei her.. so happy..

well.. this few days things have been going smoothly for me.. nth much had made me unhappy.. except for one thing that make me very unhappy.. sth happen to her.. and to see someone u love getting hurts is not the right thing.. but at that time.. i did not know what to do.. i was thinking what i should do.. and when i knew it.. everything is over.. all i see infront of me ish she is crying and hugging me.. i quickly tell her everything is over.. flag for a taxi and send her home.. i was worrying for her.. wonder how she is.. can she cope it.. it hurts me more to see her like that.. i wan to care for her.. i wan to show her my love.. i wan to tell her not to be afraid cox i will always be here for u.. while playing my basketball.. i observe she was there in a shock mood.. still thinking about what had been done.. all i hope is she can forget about that thing and just treat it as a nightmare and forget everything about it.. cox there ish no point thinking.. and i will be always there whenever she need me.. giving her the security.. the care that she needed.. and help her to massage to relieve her pain.. i do things that no other guys do for their girlfriend or girl friend.. although i do not know if what i am doing is right or wrong but i trust and believe in my heart that, that ish that right thing i should do.. at least for her.. =)

dun worry about ur kor le.. he will be ok.. and when he return from army.. i trust that he will msg u.. remember the date.. and maybe u can contact him too.. and at that time u will get to meet him.. dun think so much le.. i try to make u happy as much as i can..

this few days was spending most of my time with her.. was happy now we are on good talking terms.. at least we are no more quarreling with each other.. or should i say i am not making her angry more.. things really had been good.. my family and i are no more quarreling too.. now the only problem is my studies.. hope i cope it well..

now my relationship problem had solve about 50%.. studies think only 25%.. family 85%.. hope all this will rise to 100%.. i can get what i want.. hahax.. isn't that good? hahax.. but i dun think that will happen bahx.. hahax..

cox no one will know what i thinking.. hahax..

*thinking*
love
love me
love augustine me..

change me..
new me..
love me..
for who i am..
lost without u..
silently..

it just was not my day..

2006-05-25T15:21:00.000+08:00

Its not my day.. what i mean was i am very unlucky this few days.. dun know ish sth wrong that i had done or what.. cox i been having bad luck.. surprise that i update my blog so early today? cox i reach home early..

well.. today was suppose to meet her.. was kind of happy to be able to pei her alone today.. only the two of us.. cox its been quite long since i had that chance to be with her.. i have a lot of thoughts in my mind.. like where to go.. do what.. i just enjoy being with u.. but who knows things did not plan out what i wanted it to be.. her friends last minute want to go k box and invited her to go.. when she ask me how.. i just told her that she should go and enjoy cox i think she will be happy enjoying and singing.. thats what she like to do.. and i cannot force her to be with me cox we are not together.. and also i love to see her happy cox i love her.. and i did sth good today.. i did not show her a face.. cox ytd night i promise her.. i will not show faces in front of her..

i read her blog.. it was not something i expected to be.. so i kind of hurts and sad.. and cause some serious commotion between me and her.. but i know that i am wrong.. it was just my bad luck that she did not see something in me.. something that i had change for her.. but its ok.. at least i did my part.. i always send her home.. see her reach home safely then i go off.. i always go down and find her when she ish bored and lonely.. i do whateva i can just to make her happy.. but i guess it was my bad luck that she did not see all those in me.. or maybe what i do did not touch her abit cox she never quite notice me bahx..

actually i really had fallen in love with u again.. i so sorry to say this.. i just dun know why.. something of u attracts me.. i love being with u.. i cannot wait to pei u.. i cannot wait to go out with u.. i cannot wait even toking with u on the phone.. i went to the bbq just because u call me to go.. i went to pei u cox i know u are lonely.. i just hope to see u happy.. and thats enuff for me.. well at least i guess..

but there ish sth i did not tell anyone.. i been hiding inside of it myself.. i do have problems.. huge and painful problems about love.. but who can i say too? who can i tell too? i cannot possibly tell her about the problems i am facing cox is about me and her.. i scare if i tell her le.. she will think i am those guys who are desperate for love.. and then cause our friendship to be gone.. i rather not.. at least i will keep quiet to myself..

was kind of happy that day u came and u hug me.. at the at the bqq and the chalet.. guess i was moodless that day after my drink of beer.. was feeling low.. cox i was troubling one 3 different things.. love, studies and family.. well.. my friends came over and ask me what happen.. but i just tell them that i had some troubles.. i want to be leave alone.. until when she come to me.. she ask me whats wrong.. and ask is it because of her.. i dun wan to answer.. but no choice.. i cannot make her unhappy.. so i told her.. sorry.. i hate myself.. cox i just cannot seem to forget u.. i wan to love u.. at that moment after i say finish.. i break down.. she hug me and tell me that we are all friends.. dun think too much.. i lean forward.. pull her head and give her a small kiss.. i do not know if she was to drunk to react or what.. but i did kiss her.. she gave me a few more hugs and she left.. cox i told her to go and enjoy herself.. but she want me to come over lata.. i promise and she left.. when going home.. she ask me for a piggyback ride.. so i carry her all the way to downtown there.. it was fun carrying u.. actually i dun think that was ur first time i carry u.. if u remember last time when we are together.. i did carry u before when we are at upper there..

all my memorise seems to be stay forever in my heart.. i do not understand how u forget me but i just cannot forget u.. but i can honestly tell u that i had fallen for the new u.. and not want to talk back about the past..

it was just my bad luck.. i dun blame u.. please.. dun think it this way.. its not ur fault.. my bad luck just that u dun like me.. or have any feelings for me.. well.. i can understand that.. i can see what problems u are facing.. like what i did ytd.. i observe the reason why u are sad and i got it.. i kind of good at these.. but guess i was not good enuff for u.. in the future.. i will tend to avoid my problem more.. but avoiding it will make it worse.. what to do..

as i sit a await for u call.. i miss the days we spend.. i do not know if i can have another chance to be with u again.. or maybe just to pei u for one day alone.. only u and me.. now there is another one in ur life.. i just afraid that u will leave me alone.. i dun know.. and i dun hope that ish true.. i dun wan to be that guy who u know that only can buy ciggy for u thats all.. no.. i dun wan u to think of me this way..

sobx.. i sad.. help me.. someone tell me what to do.. i feel so lost.. i dun know where to go.. what to do.. can u just come bac in arms again.. i want u to be the happiest and luckiest girl in the world.. i dun care what my parents or what other ppl think.. thats their problem.. me and u..

hiashx..

love
hate
hate me..
hate augustine me..
hiashx..
i love you..

hate myself..

2006-05-24T23:38:00.000+08:00

i hate myself for loving u.. i dun wan too.. but i just cannot.. looks like its the end of the road for me.. for what i done.. love ish indeed strange.. i hate it.. why.. why.. is it me? i sux.. i not a good person.. hiashx.. i should have guess it all along.. i am right.. but u just won't admit.. now the truth is out.. ya.. it hurts deep in the heart..

its no use what i do now.. i tried so many things to be with u.. make u happy.. but u dun seem to appreciate a single thing i did for u.. did u had already taken me for advantage? just because i pay for ur thing.. thats why u come find me? i can provide ciggy.. then why u come find me? is this the truth.. hiashx.. it hurts lots.. to know that i did so many things for u.. but none come back in return.. not even a thank you.. hiashx.. all he done was talk to u and u stick to him like glue.. he change.. what about me.. i change too..

no matter what i can neber win others.. in ur eyes.. i really i useless guy.. am i? or maybe not to u only.. maybe to everyone.. thats why no one will like me.. i just dun get it.. i really dun.. i hate it.. i hate my life.. i hate everything.. i even hate myself.. hiashx.. i really dun know what to do..

since u start to like him then go ahead.. i have nth to say.. i even tot of suggesting maybe its time u forget me again.. i be alone from now onwards.. no where to go.. no one to pei.. i will do that..

zzz..

2006-05-19T23:23:00.000+08:00

Today nth much happen bahx.. went out.. play basketball but in the end play nth.. cox all like no mood.. then dun feel like playing.. then go eat sit down and talk talk..

while.. was actually having a good mood.. everything seems happy.. fine.. nth wrong.. till sth happen.. it ish not i cannot take a joke.. or what i dun have a sense of humour.. ish that what u say to be is quite hurting.. i dun know if u realise it but i really do hurt me.. let me tell u why.. imagine.. i been doing so many things for u ever since i met u.. pei u when u sad.. buy u things make u happy.. pay for this and that.. just to do anything to make u happy.. then all u say.. to me.. he ish better than me.. then i become to think.. i do so many cannot even be better than he just talking and chatting with u? so strange.. of cox will feel hurt de mahx.. if u put it in a nicer way.. then at least it will not hurt.. and now say i show attitude.. if u are me how would u feel.. i really dun understand..

hiash.. maybe in ur heart.. i really am not a good person.. i really dun know.. maybe i just some kind of person u are using now to keep u busy.. not so lonely.. some more can smoke also.. or what.. i really dun know what time of person am i in ur heart.. i really wish to know.. no matter what i do ish always leave a bad impression in ur heart no matter what i did.. how good i think i did.. or what bahx..

can u understand my feelings? is not my attutide.. is it hurts me to see u say like that.. cox it ish really not a joke to me.. hiashx.. am i really that bad in ur heart? ur impression on me?

can u explain and tell me why? call me and say.. what am i to u.. what do u think of me.. just tell me straight into the face.. hiashx..

augustine..
hiashx..

the truth..

2006-05-14T22:11:00.000+08:00

heys.. got to know the truth le bahx.. think we be best friends ish the best.. at least friends can last longer than stead bahx.. maybe that ish true.. i trying to think positive thoughts.. no negative things will appear or go thru my mind.. cox i will make my mindset very clear..

come to think of it.. i remember once when i am with her.. we quarrel and then were toking on the phone.. suddenly.. both of us were crying like siaox.. cox it ish really very hurtful.. scolding and saying each other.. finally when we calm down.. i tell her that we break.. be friends.. best of friends.. cox friends will not feel so hurtful.. friends will last longer than stead.. but we remain loyal and dun stead with other ppl till we are old enough and we can be together again.. and that time.. she cry and told me she did not wan like that.. she dun wan to break.. at that point.. my heart crack right in the middle.. and we still remain together..

so i guess.. if this is what i wanted at that time.. i should stick to it right now.. cox this is what we are going thru together except for being loyal to each other.. both of us have this freedom and right to find another person to love again.. so i should not feel so sad and down.. and make a stupid wrong thing that will cause me and her to be cannot be even friends..

this is my final decision..
but maybe we will patch back one day..
who knows..
hmmx..

today play ball.. play till so shiok.. lol.. neber had i play this way.. but with my leg still injured.. i guess i still got to rest and wait for it to heal completely till i can play well again bahx..

i know u have change but so am i.. but if friends is what u wan us to be i have no objection to that.. thanks for hearing me out that day.. appreciate what u have given me.. given me that chance again to be friends with u..

i love u..
love
love me
love augustine me..
endx..

surprising me

2006-05-13T23:55:00.000+08:00

Today was kind of a interesting day bahx.. well.. i decided to pon scs.. just to pei her.. cox i scare lata she lonely.. meet her and chin at 11.30.. then if chin and me go scs de hua.. she will be alone sit outside.. then i dun wan her lonely cox i know what she ish going to do whenever she ish lonely outside alone!!!

i did something that i did not expect myself to do.. i was thinking whether i should say it or not.. but curiosty got the better of me so i go ahead and tell her about how i feel towards her.. saying about the past.. the reason.. of everything i could think of at that moment cox it been kept in my heart for so long and finally i get this chance to tell her everything.. been quite emotional for me but i manage to stick thru it.. there lots more for me to say.. but.. i dun think i ever have the chance again.. but chin appear.. and then i know that it is the end.. cannot say le..

for me.. i know already whats the answer.. but i hope that it ish not true.. on the other hand.. she had not given me an answer.. all she told me was why i wanted to choose her.. and she tell me to forget about it.. but at least it is not an answer.. or maybe i dunch wish to know the truth.. cox the truth might be to hurtful to me.. i really enjoy spending time with u.. treasure every minute and even seconds.. seeing u beside me ish like the happiest thing in my life..

i think i come to a point where i can understand things better.. i know what to do and what not to do.. sometimes i really hope u can gib me another chance.. to prove to u.. to show u.. it is not that i dun wan to be friends with u.. yes.. i like what we are now.. friends.. best friends.. but in my heart i often go over the extend of thinking we are friends.. there are times where i almost wan to go forward to hold ur hand.. even to give u a hug.. i just dun know is that what i should do.. i am confused..

i love being with u.. i like it more when i see u happy.. i know we cannot be together so i will only hope u can be happy.. now my choice in my life.. without ur answer yet.. i will still be the person in ur life to make u as happy as possible.. so that u will not feel sad.. will not give up hope on whateva u are doing.. u have change since we 1st meet.. not say u change worst or what.. but change to another person that make me again like u again..

1st love is the hardest to forget..
but will i be the one to forget it?
love
love me
love augustine me..

please say yes..
=)

tml going to play ball.. well hope i can go.. some more ish mother day.. hmmx.. happy mothers day.. =).. but with my leg injured like that can i play? hmmx..

what is jealousy..

2006-05-10T23:35:00.000+08:00

why do jealousy have to appear in my life.. why am i jealous of others.. cox their life is more better? cox they get to spend their life with someone who they love and being love by? i just dun know why.. seeing other people happy makes me jealous of them.. how i wish i could treasure that someone in my life.. but for now.. i dun think there will be anyone.. no one seems right.. or maybe no one seems right cox i already found the right one? this ish what i heard or watch from a show..

if what i guess ish right.. i found the right one for me.. there will be another problem cox i dun know who that person ish.. is it her? i dun know.. arhx... seeing other ppl so good to her and also she good to other ppl kind of making me jealous.. shit me.. what am i doing.. falling in love again? i really guess or think that i starting to like u again.. oh my gosh.. what to do.. zZzzzzzzzzzzzz..

confused..

never in my life i might think that we will be able to talk again.. or maybe get to sit together.. go out together.. well.. it did came true.. i really appreciate and treasure those times with u.. i dun know why.. but there ish a certain feeling that i feel when i am with u.. its feels so different from other ppl i go out with.. i dun know how to explain that feeling.. like being with u alone let me feels that theres no one in this world only me and u exsist.. i could sit beside u for hours not doing anything but just looking at u doing ur things ish very pleasing enuff for me.. i miss those days we once spent.. although i know to myself that the past is gone and not be able to appear in my life again.. but i just sometimes hope that we may start afresh.. starting again with new love, new life.. recently in my dreams i dreamt of u.. dreamt of u just beside u.. i could just feel it.. felt so real.. but when i wake up and come bac to reality.. a certain sadness appear in my heart.. cox how i wonder it can come true..

there is one happy thing and that ish that my mother and i have got along better.. well she is still angry over me.. but.. now at least she talks to me.. its makes me happy though.. cox today i am able to tell myself that i am the luckiest person to be alive today cox today really was kind of a good day for me bahx.. all is missing now is the love in my life.. i been searching for u high and low waiting for a miracle to happen.. so that u can appear in my life once more.. i dunch know who are u.. but are u searching for me like that way i am searching for u now?

i dunch know..

love
love me
love augustine me
what to do now?
sit and wait..
can u gib me a sign..
or sth so i can love u again..

bad dream..

2006-05-07T23:24:00.000+08:00

today i woke up with a very bad dream.. well.. its not a nightmare.. hahax.. but to me ish a bad dream.. toopid dream anyway.. zZz.. i dreamt about the person i like have a boyfriend lo.. toopid dream right? anyway.. that guy even act like he very close to me.. oh man.. but luckily i woke up and found out thats not true.. phew.. but still everything in that dream felt so real.. hope tonight might give me a better dream.. hahax.. sth like i can be with the person i like.. hahax..

if u are wondering who i like.. well.. thats a secret only i will know.. hahax.. bleahx..

i just reach home anyway.. these fews days keep on coming bac around this time.. lucky for me.. my parents neber say much or scold me.. but still i need to be more considerate.. cannot take advantage de.. oh man.. tml got to study till very late.. hate it lots.. zZz.. but no choice..

thats all for today i guess..
very tired..
nitex..

love
love me
love augustine me..
=)

bball time

2006-05-06T23:44:00.000+08:00

hahax.. today was quite a fun day.. cox i get to play my basketball.. hmmx.. cox long time i did not have this type of fun playing basketball.. well anyway.. me and my friends had decided to upgrade our skills.. so think we will be playing every friday and saturday of each week.. this can help me loss some weight.. hahax.. cox honestly.. i been getting kind of fat recently.. hahax.. dun know ish a good thing or not.. hahax.. maybe i look better when i am fat? hahax.. just kidding.. hahax.. alot of jiao wei.. hahax..

hmmx.. my and my mother still not in good terms.. hiashx.. actually i dun like that.. i rather everyone around to me be happy.. especially my parents.. i wan to make them feel proud of me.. in some way or another.. but whatever thing i do just dun seem to make them proud.. but in a way make them more angry with me.. sometimes i do think if there is love in the family.. well.. i also dun quite know.. but just hope one day everything will be fine for me for once..

and maybe because i cannot find love in the family thats why i have this feeling of searching of love outside my family.. but me seem that there ish no such chance.. hahax.. but at least i still need to thank one person.. my ex stead.. but i dun think i should call it as ex stead.. it sound kind of odd for me.. i should call it a person who taught and show me what love can do and feels like bahx.. well.. i really need to thank her lots.. cox i did learn alot of things.. hahax..

eh.. thankx.. hahax..

btw.. there ish still got some one worx.. my darling.. hahax.. also need to thank u alot of pei-ing me thru everything.. hahax.. really appreciate and enjoy what we do together.. hmmx.. to make things clear.. the what we do together is like go out have fun or what only worx.. hahax.. scare lata got ppl think differently.. hahax..

well.. i am off to doing my things.. hahax.. leg cramp like siaox..

love
love me
love augustine me..
hahax..
take care lots my friends..
especially u..
=)

i am bac..

2006-05-05T23:14:00.000+08:00

Long time no update le.. so now i think ish the best time to update again.. well.. there been alot of things happening to me lately.. got good and got bad.. i dun know if i like what i am going thru now or last time..

sad things are that i fail one of my module and then need to retake that one module causing all my other module to be in different classes.. well the good thing is that i can make more friends.. but again.. i still prefer my class.. owww.. but no choice.. cox this ish what i do to myself.. no one to blame but only me..

anything sad thing ish that me and my family are in bad terms.. hiashx.. i really dun understand why.. all i wan is for everyone around me to be happy.. but it seems like this goal cannot be realise.. when i wif my girlfriend last time.. when i am in good terms with her.. me and my family will always quarrel or what.. and when i am quarreling with my girlfriend.. i will be very good with my family.. what logic is this? i really dun understand.. and some more now i dun have girlfriend lo.. also quarrel.. hiash.. really very complicating.. zZz..

but on the other hand there are also good things that happen to me mahx.. i now get to care for her again.. well.. i dun know why but i like to show my care for her.. making her feel good and happy.. and i hope that what i doing now for her she will appreciate.. maybe i starting to like her again? i also dun know.. hmmx.. but still.. i like the way we are now.. hahax..

i still hope to enlarge my circle of friends.. making new ones.. and of cox not forgetting the old ones.. hahax.. old ones.. like they very old.. no la.. hmm.. change in a nicer way.. my present friends.. means those that are now my friend.. and not those presents that u give away on christmas.. hahax.. opps.. there i go again.. me and lame or should i say childish jokes.. hahax.. cheap cheap.. ar ar.. expensive expensive.. (i think only a few understand this joke).. hahax..

anyway i am now much more a cheerful person i guess.. no more thinking of that past which is a good thing.. so i can look forward into the future.. so happy..

well.. will update again..
promise..
hahax..

love
love me
love augustine me
xzZz_mEx

i only wan to show my love to u.. but not sure if in ur heart did u feel it..

=P

pain

2006-01-26T23:05:00.000+08:00

sadx.. pain.. hurtx.. ish all these the only emotions that i feel now.. hiash.. very sad.. dun noe thinking of what thing.. only noe ish sad sad sad and more sad.. so.. what to do.. be sad? also not so sure..

actually me ish nth wrong le.. ish ok le.. but suddenly.. just one day turn into a moodless person again.. and why.. maybe because of the sight of seeing ppl dating makes me remind of my past with my ex and someone feel like having a girlfriend too bahx.. but then when i think some more.. ish that possible? is it just u wan a girlfriend u will get one? maybe if u are the most handsome guy that of cox they wan u.. but me.. dun think they even notice me when i walk pass them bahx.. also not sure..

some more.. think maybe i now start to understand more about love.. maybe only.. i maybe wrong.. so please do correct me if i am wrong.. cox i often tell myself to really understand the girl fully 1st then can stead with her.. but too think of that.. will that girl accept u? maybe the girl already thought of u as a friend and not someone who she can love.. so.. really.. love ish indeed a strange thing.. so i also dun noe much either.. maybe love ish when both parties feel that when they 1st meet they happen to just "click" with each other and that may spring into a relationship.. all those who are friends for quite sometime want to be couple i dun think that ish possible bahx.. it may happen but in some cases.. very rare i think.. i also not sure..

just hope that maybe my moodswing will gone one day.. why am i like that.. just a few reasons.. love, me, family, relationships.. all these bahx.. i also not sure.. just now only have one thing in mind.. still looking for that girl.. or should i say.. waiting for her.. miss u.. where are u.. can u now fast come to me and mend my broken and shattered heart.. please do come when u could.. miss u lots.. really..

i love you..
i really wish i could..
augustine ends here..
trying to be happy..
dun be sad..
dun think so much..
ending..
me..
love
love me
really do love me
love augustine me..

moodless day..

2006-01-15T21:01:00.000+08:00

well, today come from early in the morning at 8.. cox ytd night went to work.. work as what? lol.. helping to teardown the indorr stadium things lo.. cox ytd was sun yan zi concert mahx.. then after the performance.. ish my cousin intro me de.. so me and him and two of our friends went to work lo.. its was quite a experience bahx.. moving those heavy equipments.. shifting here and there.. coiling wires.. lol.. was very tired.. but i should say sth that it is a fun job to do.. although will feel tired but still very satisfied with myself.. lol.. when reach home le faster go bathe and then go slp le.. cox very tired both physically and mentally.. but slp till 2 wake up lo.. cox me ish like that de.. when morning will slp but a while then wake up.. but if slp from night.. wah.. song lioax.. can slp till next morning.. so can say i was quite tired.. then went to meet up with my friends and we go play basketball.. so long neber play le.. finally have such a good weather.. no rain and not too sunny.. enjoy myself lots.. so now at home le.. but had to say was feeling moody.. maybe ish because of not enuff slp or maybe think too much.. also not so sure bahx.. now online ish playing game time lo..

yes, its you.. the one i waited for all of my life.. hoping for one day u will realise how much love i had for you.. dun be surprise.. dun be scare of me.. me will not hurt you.. cox i love you too much that i dun wish to hurt you.. not even a single wrong will i do and break the trust u had in me.. for the only happiness i want ish to see u happy.. thats all.. please dun be sad when u did not accomplish sth.. please try to be happy cox i am always here foreva.. will not leave you.. once i am with you.. its foreva.. u have to trust and believe in me.. no one will block our way.. we will keep on walking together.. till we have completed our journey of the love walk.. hand in hand.. heart to heart.. let us move forward looking forward to each new day cox we both know that ish a wonderful new begining for us.. there will neber be ending.. no words like the end will appear in our story.. cox it is foreva long.. in my heart.. i have you.. and i hope in your heart.. there ish a me.. i love you..

ending..
augustine..
love
me..
zZz...

me..

2006-01-13T10:05:00.000+08:00

wah.. this few days keep on raining so i slp without the air con.. lol.. can save electricity mahx.. hahax.. but hor.. today i wake up with the sun light in my eyes arx.. slp till so shiok then the sun appear.. hmm.. wait a minute.. did i say sun?? oh man.. have sun le.. yesh.. hahax.. no more rainy nights lo.. can finally play basketball lioax.. hope this sun will continue on and on.. lol.. cox i dun wan rain.. raining spoils my mood.. cox cannot do anything.. except staying indoors and more indoors.. lol.. hahax.. which ish totally not fun..

ytd was my last common test paper.. have lots of fun have the paper.. ya.. now so call can relieve a while.. wait for the test results lioax.. lol.. hope can pass.. but only some no confidence nia.. opps.. cannot let my parents see this.. if they see i will die.. lol..

hmm.. me tot of hor.. staying outside in a rented house with my friends lehx.. but come to think of it.. i will need a part time job.. no com to use.. must go lan shop de.. lol.. then must cook myself or eat out.. wah.. independent life.. am i ready for it? lol.. or shall i wait till i have completed my ns then move.. hmm.. thinking..

i hope to be the perfect guy u been looking for all this while.. but i noe that my standard is not up to yours but i will try to change it so that u will see the difference in me.. all i ask ish ur love.. and nothing more le.. my only hope ish to see u happy can le.. i dun wish that u will forget me even though one day if we break up.. cox i hope that what i did for u.. u will see the goodness and appreciate what i had done for you.. in my heart i only have you.. and no one else.. if there ish a chance to repeat time, i will repeat it to the 1st day i met you cox that ish the part that i treasure the most.. with all the love from my heart.. i had to tell u this.. i love you deeply.. lots..

augustine ending here bahx..
just another sentence for fun..
lol..
ending..
me..
augustine..

booo..

2006-01-11T13:15:00.000+08:00

heys..

today was kind of bad for me.. toopid me la.. wake up late for sch.. then got test at 8am and guess what.. i wake up at 8am.. and now still at home.. skip the test.. now 30% of my this module ish gone lo..

then somehow keep blaming myself.. think and think till i think about love things.. really toopid me lehx.. i can think till if i have a stead there for me.. she will call me to wake up.. so i will not be late.. then try to control me like that.. dun slp late or what thing.. cox most of the time i play till no time limit de mahx.. then some more my parents everytime call me slp early but i tend not to listen to them..

then think and think, think till the past.. but luckily.. i reminded myself that now ish the present.. the past will not repeat itself.. i have told myself alot of times that me and my ex can only be friends.. not close friends.. not stead.. but only friends.. and that ish already good for me le.. and i appreaciate it lots..

lata maybe go out find my best buddy.. pei her walk walk.. and i also wan so shan shan xin.. lol..

in my heart.. i only love you.. no one else le.. all those things we done together had been kept in a secret place in my heart.. no one will know cox its lock.. but the only person who can unlock it ish you cox u have the key to unlock my heart.. love me more.. love me till the lock inside open up and let the warmth of my love cover you.. thru love we grow together.. both in mind, body and soul.. me loves you.. yes i do..

lol.. another meaningless sentence made up by me.. lame right? lol

ended
augustine
love
love me
love augustine me..
*bleahx*
will you love me too?

love

2006-01-10T00:06:00.000+08:00

now me have nth to do so come update a while bahx..

hmm..

this whole week got test arx.. some more dun noe how do lehx.. only noe some.. very sianx lo.. hiash.. toopid lehx.. dun wan test le la.. arx..

recently been doing nth much too.. just wan my friends around me to be happy can lo.. cox nowadays ish raining so u guys must really take care and prevent from getting cold worx.. remember arx!!!

i begining to love you.. yes u are the one.. hope i can bring joy and laughter into your life.. being the only sunlight in your life.. using my warm to keep u warm when u are cold.. brighten up all the dark areas so u will not get lose.. guide u along the way with each step.. using my light and dry ur tears away when u sad.. so that u will know that me ish always here for u.. really.. ish true worx.. i love you..

hmm.. dunch get mistaken..

i just feel like writing this down only.. hahax.. really worx.. trust me..

ending and signing off..
me..

ello.

2006-01-04T21:48:00.000+08:00

today nth much happen to me.. lol.. only play and play.. but common test coming le.. cannot play so much.. need to study hard.. oh gosh..

my heart seems to be missing sth.. something really feels wrong.. ish it missing of love.. oh.. someone help me mend me heart!! lol..

love love love..

what ish it all about.. lol..

must studying hard lo.. no more playing..
good luck!!..
lol
augustine end here..
what ish love arx?
someone tell me?
...

me ish bac lo

2006-01-03T21:59:00.000+08:00

opps.. very long neber update lo..really ish very very very long.. lol.. so now me ish bac le bahx.. 1st of all.. need to say a big merry christmas and happy new year to everyone bahx.. lol.. and also really sorry worx.. so long neber update..

well.. cox ish i everyday come online and play and play and neber come update.. but during this few weeks.. me had gone thru alot of things worx.. really.. me ish no longer sad le.. but kind of happy anyway..

after the malaysia trip.. me met a lot of ppl.. make some more friends.. lol.. the camp itself is also quite fun too.. i had to admit that.. lol.. ya.. then also went out with my friends..

celebrate birthdays.. go out during the countdown thingy.. drink beer.. wahx.. really ish alot worx.. me also learnt alot of things bahx.. lol..

me promise that i will not be like the old me lo.. no more sad but only happy.. ya.. sadness now should be all gone inside of me le bahx.. even though sometimes i will like a bit sad.. but dun worry.. lol.. me ish really ok de..

hahax.. if u all out there are thinking if i like anyone or what.. i can tell u directly ish no one bahx.. i dun think i will be going out to look for girls to love.. lol.. maybe i wait for someone to approach me.. hahax.. but hor.. the possibility of someone approaching me and say she like me ish like totally impossible.. lol..

in my heart.. i noe what ish love.. and i know what am i suppose to do.. love has become my friend once more.. lol.. no more stranger.. no more sadness..

me ish me..
love
love me
augustine..
love augustine me..
a boy here sitting and waiting..
lol..
btw..
i love u..
YOU worx..
lol
=)
*bleahx*

yeah

2005-12-06T20:52:00.000+08:00

only left two more days to the malaysia trip lo.. been looking forward to it worx.. lol.. hahax.. finally reaching soon.. but hor.. me still dun noe what to pack.. hahax.. or think ish lazy bahx.. heex.. lol.. ya.. must go there and enjoy myself.. really i must..

hope that i am not thinking too much worx.. cox now there are alot of things that i am thinking.. some or good some or bad.. hope those good one can come true.. but those bad ones i really really do not wish that it ish true..

well, i am not going to say it here as this things are quite private bahx.. or not if i say someone might not be happy and put something in my tag box there again.. so this time i will not say much..

this morning wake up late.. go sch miss two lesson.. but still overall ok bahx.. only noe very tired nia.. recently very tired.. not enuff slp bahx.. thinking of going to cut my hair soon worx.. lol.. not cut but at least trim thinner.. cox my hair ish very thick.. hahax.. lol.. yupx..

hmm.. there ish one thing i need to say bahx.. now i guess some of my friends noe that i now like a girl right? think i say it clearly here 1st bahx.. ya.. i do admit i have some feelings for her.. you know? hao gan.. and after much tot.. being friends with her ish already happy enuff for me.. just hope she will not forget me this friend can le bahx.. i like her as a friend.. and not planning to go over than a friend le bahx.. yupx.. thats all i have to say le..

love has indeed taken me up into another level.. will i be able to pass it? lol.. see how..

hahax..
love
love me
love augustine me..
going bac to the single life...
hahax..
ya..
teacher,
still be my friend ok?
scare u leave me and dun be my friend le worx..
thankx..
be my friend..
best of the best..
heex..

too all of ya..
take care and see ya soon!!
lol

going to camp lo

2005-12-04T21:23:00.000+08:00

in 1 more weeks time will be the time i go for the malaysia trip camp thingy bahx.. now have not pack yet.. cox still thinking of what to bring... lol.. or maybe lazy to pack bahx.. hahax.. lol.. ya.. hmm..

think ish time to get the love thing out of my mind lo.. cox it looks like whenever i think about it.. i some how tend to go overboard and dun noe what am i going to type or write or say bahx.. ya.. so thats it..

now too early online le.. dun noe what to do.. wait for friends to online so can play game lo.. lol.. ya..

hope that in the future, there maybe some more surprises ahead of me.. for me to discover and see.. lol.. regarding my previous post.. think was kind of too much of me.. again.. i apologise..

love
love me
love augustine me..
see ya..
=)

sad augustine me

2005-12-03T22:25:00.000+08:00

no words could describe the way i am feeling now.. but what i can say.. ish only maybe one or two words.. sad bahx.. two words.. hurts and sadx.. recently i did not have enuff slp.. in the end causing me to be quite weak.. so often some nights i would be giddy or what.. but still, i can tahan.. ya.. hmm.. me also often easily moodswing nowadays.. dun noe whats wrong.. is it because i think too much? or ish it just that sth ish not right? i also dun noe..

love.. maybe me ish not suitable for love.. i should stop loving her le.. or maybe stop like her.. be alone.. go thru the lonely process.. anyway i had done and gone thru and some how know the feeling of loneliness so think will be able to withstand that type of hurts and pain bahx.. given up.. given up on hope.. and on love.. with my life.. everything..

feel so strange.. dun noe what ish my mind thinking now? only hope that ish happy can le.. i ask nth much.. just dun wan to be left out again.. dun wan to be alone.. not use to being alone.. hate it lots.. ever since i was left alone since my break up.. its been quite a hard experience for me to go thru.. and do not wan to go into that same way again.. hiash..

ish love really that hard? that pain? how come some ppl get to feel love in a different way than me? some are more fortunate? some have understanding stead.. but me dun have such luck.. ish it because that i am not good enuff?

here lies a guy that would not be care or love by anyone.. not important to anyone.. only ish a person who helps and try to give joy into ppl life.. hope at least i did my part in bringing some joy or happiness in their life bahx.. thats all i can say..

here..
ending..
sad.
not love..
sad
sad me
sad augustine me..

will the love cupid thingy shoot an arrow at me? so that i can feel again.. what ish love..

*thinking*

from the 1st day i meet you.. i did not know that things will turn out this way.. if given a chance to change.. i would only change the time and hope for that day to never end so that i can be with you longer and foreva.. but that ish only in that fantasy world.. not true in the realistic world.. augustine gone.. ------

love?

2005-11-30T18:37:00.000+08:00

hiash.. what ish love to me now? i also dun noe.. hmm.. thinking bahx.. ish this the right time for me to fall in love and start a new relationship with someone or wait for my ex or stop the idea of falling in love again? i really do not know.. hate to be stuck like this.. do not like the feeling of it.. hmm.. help someone..

well.. honestly.. me had tot of starting a new relationship.. try to forget the past and start a new.. but ish it possible for her to know that i like her? or will she give me a chance? or? how man.. there are so many answers that i wan to know..

the past.. ya.. been thinking of my ex too.. wondering how she ish.. only know one thing that she had change much after we broke up le.. but now? i do not know.. i only hope i can be her friend.. cox i think i have no more chance for her to return by my side once more.. her impression of me must be very bad bahx.. actually i tot of calling or a send her a msg to ask her how ish she doing? cox i know her by her character ish that she tend to keep problems inside and dun say it out.. and causing her to moodswing sometimes bahx.. although she may look happy when with friends, but when alone.. hiash.. ya.. so i tot i can be that friend who help her with her problems.. dun noe when she will accept me once more.. *thinking*

scare the more i think the more white hair i grow.. the next time u all see me think ish i already old man le.. hair all white white.. ya..

love to me was once a stranger.. but after some time.. i start to understand love by a person that come into my life.. we share love together and grow in love with each every day.. after quite some time.. love started to run away from me again.. and i had lost my loving partner.. end up to be alone again looking for love.. and yet.. love had become a stranger again to me.. should i go back to find the love that i lost or should i wait for new love or find love? maybe one day i will have all the answers.. hope so.. i really do..

think i stop here.. dun be mistaken.. me ish not sad or what.. only just want to write what my heart feels inside of me.. ya.. thats all bahx.. go eat food lo..

take care all of u!!
love
love me
love augsutine me

i know i cannot be that perfect guy in ur heart that u always wanted me to be.. but i hope that my presence in ur life had some how teach for show u or maybe let u learn something new bahx..

same me.. but new!!

2005-11-27T22:04:00.000+08:00

have to say one thing 1st.. so sorry about last blog post.. must be i too sad or what le.. or maybe ish the music to sad.. plus my emotions.. more sad.. become totally very sad.. then write those type of sad post.. very sorry..

today went to play ball.. very long neber play le.. lol.. today got alot of ppl play.. very fun.. lol.. but sad ish that i tio a lot of injuries.. sad.. if my mother see me i can get scolded by her.. lol.. if my ex ish still with me.. she also will scold me bahx.. opps.. should not think of the past.. think of the future.. ya..

opps.. my mother ish at home.. just got scolded.. oh man.. sianx.. lol..

now go play game le..

next time update more..
love
love me
love augustine me
bye..

miss u worx.. heex.. (u noe who bahx.) hmm..

all gone..

2005-11-25T01:17:00.000+08:00

hey.. long time no update le.. so now update bahx.. anyway i cannot slp.. now the time ish 1.18am.. in the morning.. tml still have school.. hmm.. wake up 7.30.. still got 6 hours more.. can i slp mahx?

thinking about her bahx.. hiash.. looks like me have no chance to fall in love once more.. honestly.. this few weeks with her.. been a great time.. playing bball.. going out shopping.. all these things i have not done for a very long long time since i had broken up with my ex.. and some how.. i feel as if she ish the one who came into my life and lighten it up.. show me once more that there ish still chances.. chances for me to fall in love bahx.. me now ish.. happy when i noe her.. but now.. some how.. i dun noe if to be happy or sad.. happy that she still regard me as a friend.. maybe sad ish that dun have the chance to start a relationship again..

when i break up with my ex.. its some how kind of sad.. make me feel as if i am not good enuff.. after what i did.. then some how kind of sad and dun wan to fall in love again.. but then.. some how.. i met my gan mei.. she was kind of sweet.. caring and cute too.. but after some time we lost contact due to her having no more hp and cannot see her in msn le.. so not sure what had happen.. but still really happy to noe her.. and then i meet another friend from friendster.. she was like also recovering from her lost of her bf.. and so was some how like me bahx.. we chat along quite well.. and then now that after the camp.. i meet her.. was really happy to noe her.. very active.. think ish should be super hyper active bahx.. energy cannot finish.. likes to play ball.. can say her skills not bad worx.. ya.. and some how me and her get along quite well.. and also i feel a certain sense of happiness everytime i am with her.. ish that love or my imagination?

but now.. i dun think the time ish right bahx.. ya.. she had told me her feelings le.. she dun wan a relationship.. and i need to respect her decision.. there ish nth i can do.. although me may not have the chance to fall in love.. then just be it.. maybe ish my fate to be alone.. or maybe after all i am not a good stead to anyone.. should be.. thinking alot right now..

me.. hurtx.. in this world.. just leave me alone.. no need to care.. not important.. i just me.. no one but me..

hey.. teacher.. thanks for still letting me be ur student.. at least i am use to the sadness and coldness in my heart.. bye and i see u..

love
love me
love augustine..
should i break down and cry all my emotions?
should i just keep quiet and think till sun rise?
should i stop loving and just be alone?
am i really that bad?

*thinking really alot right now*
all gone thru the wind..

love has neber be to me in this way before.. now i see the other side of what love can do to a person.. there ish good and bad.. positive and negative.. only depending on how u wan to see love.. to me.. love ish going to be stranger from now onwards..

the time ish 1.32am.. shall i go slp? hope i can slp.. miss her..

=( i really miss u.. i love you... =(

happy and sad..

2005-11-15T21:59:00.000+08:00

ish been quite long since i updated my blog le.. actually i been quite happy.. after the camp bahx.. meet some new friends.. get to get along quite well with them.. was happy to know them.. never regret it.. ya.. after the camp.. we kept in contact.. i mean i kept in contact with a girl..

cox the both of us like to play bball.. so we met up the next day and play with each other.. it was quite fun.. hahax.. and lata on.. we got to know each other quite well le bahx..

our friends are like saying that we are a couple or going to be a couple all these type of things.. some times i do think to myself.. will i ever get this chance to love again? ish this the time? the right time? ish love coming to find me again?

i really hope so or maybe wish so.. but me being friends with her ish already quite happy enuff for me le.. i dun noe how she think about me.. like my character or what.. but all i noe ish that i like just spending time with her.. i dun noe why.. ish like there is some kind of magnet attracting me like that.. and.. the feeling ish so hard to explain.. ya..

i went to watch movie and it was quite ok.. was quite moody that day.. kind of thinking of the pass where once me and my ex go to.. watch movie play.. all these some how kind of remind me of sad memories.. but i still need to tell myself that i need to forget the past.. but how? hiash.. hope one day.. or how bahx..

looks like i end here le..
teacher,
i think i starting to fall in love with u..
how?
love
love me
love augustine me..
thinking about love

complicated me..

2005-11-07T20:54:00.000+08:00

me.. should i love again? or should i not.. am i ready for love again? i really am not sure.. but me really hope to.. did i really forget about her le.. or.. hiash.. why all this things keep appearing in my head.. is there some way to forget pain?

love? what ish love really.. what does it do? what????? hiash.. i really dun noe.. if that time i tell her.. we dun stead together.. and will this thing like this happen today mahx? maybe we are still friends? hiash.. i really dun noe..

augustine.. thinking about hurtful things.. totally ish sad now.. dun noe what to do..

sad
sad me
sad augustine me

just bac from camp..

2005-11-06T17:32:00.000+08:00

Just come bac from camp.. 2 day 1 night.. and really really had a great time.. happy to be part of youth club.. hahax.. really did enjoy myself.. cox i think its been quite long times since i did enjoy le bahx.. hahax.. so was really happy that 2 days.. heex.. some more also make some new friends.. and also can enjoy with my friends.. isn't that a happy thing.. heex..

play like siaox.. hahax.. play basketball.. captain ball.. go playground play.. just play and play.. hahax.. from lame to fun.. fun to can think of any games to play.. hahax.. but now reach home le so so so shiok arx.. can slp on my bed.. play games again.. but the only one thing not good is.. haahx.. tml got sch le arx.. totally ish bored sia.. arx..

now updated to here nia.. kind of tired le.. but not slping bahx.. wait till night then slp.. tml sch.. here i come worx..

love
love me
love augustine me..

btw..
today at camp played a game..
say sth about myself that is three truth and one lie..
i say:
1) i started to play basketball when i was sec 2
2) my 1st relationship lasted 1 year plus..
3) i got 2 a's for my last semester exam..
4) i am a very lame person..

can u guess which one? hahax..
see ya..
=)

only her

2005-11-02T23:42:00.000+08:00

Inside oh my heart only have her.. no one else le.. just now call her about the cd thing.. and she told me that to pass to her friend then pass to her.. she do not want to see me at all.. but why? what wrong have i done.. hiash.. i also dun noe.. all i noe is i wan to be with her again.. but she ish just dun allow.. why?

is it i am not good enuff for her? or is it my wrong doing is very hurtful? no matter what i do.. will not again make her happy or make up for all the hurts that i done.. cox i truely believe that in some way.. i did alot of things to make her happy.. but looks like its all not good enuff.. just... hiash...

sch is re opening soon again.. not sure if i will have that chance to see her or not.. but really hope i do..

augustine ends here...
must stay happy..

love
love me
love augustine me..
going off..

all me

2005-10-30T20:09:00.000+08:00

hey..

still not used to the feeling of being lonely.. feel like being love by someone or to love someone.. but.. i not sure how to describe this feeling inside of me.. only can say is that those days when i am lonely.. like no where to go during saturdays.. or everyday stay at home.. i think of days when i always spent my times everyday with her..

her... her again.. thinking of her..

........................................................................................................................................

augustine gone..
out and cold..
=

me!!!

2005-10-29T19:25:00.000+08:00

recently been thinking about her again.. i do admit i still love her.. and i tot i can control that feeling.. but it is so hard.. i have dreams about her.. my wallet have pictures of the past.. my room brings back wonderful memories.. everything brings memories of us together.. it also had been a very long time since i go shopping.. i scare to have that feeling again.. hiash.. me love her so much does she noe?

i often envy other guys.. guys whose girlfriend give them second chances.. they have hurt the girl very deeply.. like two timing or what and their girlfriend still can give them a second chance and they be together again.. if it was me.. i will not two time.. i only wan to love her.. but for my case.. i did not two time.. but.. there was no chance for me.. not at all.. why? if she was to give me that chance.. i will treasure it very well.. my mistakes in the past.. i had change.. i learnt what should i not do and what i should do.. but it is no use anymore.. cox it is too late..

during our break up she told me she will patch with me de.. one day.. one day.. when is that day? i hope that day really comes.. cox i know what to do le.. the one thing i feel bad is those days when i hurt her.. like times when i should treasure and cherish her.. but i did not.. and now to think of it.. it makes me feels so guitly.. to think why i did for care for her.. but i only can hope now she is happy bahx..

me recently been spending my days and time like when i was in sec sch that time.. when i was single.. going out with friends.. play basketball all these.. but it is still no use.. today play ball half way.. my mind was thinking about her and no concentrating on my game.. whats wrong with me..

people around me are all very happy with their love life recently.. some patch back.. some are communitcating quite well with the girls they like.. while some even stead together le.. love is in the air for them.. but i dun ask much too.. it does not mean that i need to have a stead too.. at least.. i know that i am still waiting for my chance.. hope she give me that one chance to prove myself once more..

so thats it le.. sorry for not updating frequently bahx..

augustine was here..
love
love me
love augustine me

today

2005-10-22T02:04:00.000+08:00

today went out and work worx.. hahax.. earn fast and easy money worx.. heex.. happy.. thankx everyone worx.. for intro me that job.. really enjoy to work today.. hahax.. then go eat.. go home..

ytd night dream of her.. what is the dream? my dream is about me walking along the path.. and saw her opposite.. then later she run towards me.. and ask me to pei her.. and we become friends.. then later at the day night ask me come out to pei her again.. i was so happy.. but again when i woke up but again.. it is all a dream.. sometimes i think do dreams come true? i really hope so worx.. if really come true, i am really happy.. just hope so bahx..

need to continue to stay happy.. tml will be a better day for me!!!!

love
love me
love augustine me..
signing off..

true story

2005-10-19T23:33:00.000+08:00

boy was thinking about what had happen during their break up..

girl: we will patch back one day..
boy: when will be that day?
girl: just one day.. i not sure when..
boy: can it be on my birthday?
girl: not that fast..
boy: how long do u need..
girl: i not sure.. just one day when the time is right....
boy: ok bahx.. i will wait for that day de..
girl: but if during this time, if i got a new boyfriend.. then..
boy: its ok.. i will bless the both of u with happiness de.. just tell the guy dun be like me.. (boy's eyes start to have tears.. but still insist on being strong)
girl: oh ok.. (eyes start to have tears too)
boy: dun cry le.. (wiping away the tear drops).. this maybe the last time i ever going to clean ur tears le.. cox i will not have that chance anymore.. all i can do is.. wait..
(girl continue to cry)
boy: can i give you a hug?
(boy move forward and gives girl a big hug and then turn away and start to walk off)
boy: bye and take care..
(boy walks away with a very very sad feeling in his broken heart thinking.. will that day come..)

after several months.. boy still cannot forget her.. all he want is to be with her.. but sadly.. his opportunity of her returning by his side is very slim.. only can wait for her.. but will that day come.. boy really dun know.. all he know is that.. in his heart.. he only love her..

to my dear girl:
u only know that in my heart i only got you.. i will never let u go.. but at that time.. i think u have enuff hurtx from me and i had to let u go.. although i do not want to but i really have no choice.. all i can say is that.. i am still here waiting for you worx..
from boy..

sick

2005-10-18T21:29:00.000+08:00

opps.. think i will be sick le.. keep on coughing and also have a hot forehead.. whats wrong with me.. hiash.. cannot be sick.. i still wan have fun.. play.. hiash.. things does not look good for be this few days.. is there sth wrong happening to me.. my body feel weak.. like no strength like this.. oh my gosh.. think will keep it short tonight.. not feeling well..

today went play bball a while.. after the game.. fall sick le.. i did sth today.. i deleted all my msg by accident..was kind of sad.. oh..

love

love me

love augustine me

sick le..

but will be strong..

and i will be back..

u guys take care for me..

*cough*

hmm

2005-10-17T22:48:00.000+08:00

today my mother going overseas to do business.. hope she able to succeed.. what i worry.. is my brother.. hope he can really can control his own temper.. really lost and dun noe what to do.. woke up with a heavy heart.. but in the end.. told myself to get a grip of myself.. and also to make my parents happy.. this is what i as a son should do bahx.. look after my brother.. help my parents.. all these things i been doing so much.. and of cox.. i am happy with what i am doing.. although there are times i complain cox i cannot have those things that i want.. like having some times with her.. with friends.. doing my own things.. but was lucky to be able to enjoy lots of wonderful things.. i do believe in one thing.. do good things.. good deeds.. show honesty.. and will get rewarded.. with life.. we anything.. cox good luck will shine on me.. but when doing bad things.. things like stealing or what.. bad luck will rain on me.. and thats not i want to be.. for me.. i had tried before.. i did bad things.. hurting everyone.. and in the end.. i did not enjoy quite much.. lost my things.. injured myself.. but when i do good things.. it happen to me that i have a lot of wonderful things.. whatever i want.. it just happen the way just i wanted.. and i start to believe in this.. do good things.. will get rewards.. bad things.. luck will run away from u.. and.. now i learnt my lesson and only try to do good!! hoping that my luck will change.. and my only wish to come true.. is that she return by my side.. she told me it is impossible.. but.. i only can just hope bahx.. miss her lots..

what was more worse is that.. today while running thru my drawer.. i happen to found two photos of her.. when she was much younger.. how cute she was.. and happy.. and at that time.. our relationship level was very high.. nothing can seperate us apart.. we are always together no matter what.. but now.. looking at those pictures.. happy memories come into my mind.. but when i think i cannot enjoy those memories anymore.. somehow.. i feel a certain of sadness in me.. but.. knowing that me and her had once been together.. it is enough for me to be happy.. but wanting to spend my whole life with her is my goal.. my main aim.. just hope that it may come true bahx..

now i shall end here lo.. dun mistaken me.. i am not sad today.. i am happy.. i will try to be happy.. and also.. to her.. hope u had done well in ur exam.. really hope so.. and i know u have given all ur effort in your studies le.. okok.. take care now ok?

and also to those we read my blog.. also do take care.. take in lots of fluid whenever can and the main thing is to be happy everyday worx..

love
love me
love augustine me..
ending with a certain happiness and joy in my heart..
bye guys!
=)

sad case..

2005-10-16T21:06:00.000+08:00

was happy a few moments ago.. but now.. only sadness falls in me.. hiash.. why.. i am not a good brother.. hiash.. causing ppl around me to be hurt.. suddenly feel so lost.. so hurtx.. so sad.. no mood tonight.. going to be a long and lonely night for me worx.. dun noe how today will end or tml will be.. but just got to live life as normal.. cox i also have not much of a choice.. hiash..

after u leave me.. my world had turn from brightness to darkness.. warm of the love, to coldness of the wind.. red and strong heart to black and weak.. hiash.. hope u will return to me one day.. will wait for you no matter how long de.. cox i only love you.. my 1st love and the very last love.. hiash..

hurtx.. in love.. in family.. in everything.. whats happening to me.. a boy lost in his own world..

love
love me
love augustine me
will you?

yeah

2005-10-16T16:11:00.000+08:00

yeah.. going to get a new handphone soon le.. so happy worx.. can change my handphone.. but to me.. there is happy and sad.. happy is that the happiness in my phone will be kept in one place and only will be open when she returns to my side.. happy is that i will be having a new phone to use le worx.. really happy.. heex..

maybe this are changes that are needed for a new me bahx.. my wallet.. our pictures.. my hp.. everything about me have change.. but one place for sure will not be changed.. my love for her..

i am really not sure if i could love another girl again or not.. even if i have to love again.. will we last? love to me has become another meaning le.. had taken up into another level le.. but.. will i have this opportunity to experience it again? i am really not sure.. am i ready to love again.. also not sure.. all i know now is for her to be happy bahx..

happiness is what i wanted.. and for her too.. i know she hates me.. but i still try my best to provide for her.. love me one day.. for i am a new me.. please..

love
love me
love augustine me..
care..
=)

hiash..

2005-10-13T21:38:00.000+08:00

today again whole day stay at home.. so again nth much to say.. only can stay at home.. want to go out but.. no one mahx.. some more no where to go.. hiash.. also dun noe.. stay at home lo.. then some how was thinking of her..

how come love is so strange.. comes and go so fast.. when dun have stead.. was thinking of having a stead to care for and to be care.. but when have stead.. sometimes.. there is a certain feeling of wanting to be single again.. i really dun know how to explain.. me really miss her lots..

there is a certain part of me.. wanting to look for a stead again but was thinking.. am i prepared? am i ready? or.. i not sure.. love.. i love her.. she noes? i dun think so.. why is it this way.. why must i lose her.. how come she cannot care for me and love me the way like she use to before? i dun mind at all.. just wan ur love is enough.. isn't what i had done for her alot of things.. but she.. dun wan to say about the past..

forgets me.. hurts me..

GET OUT!!! FORGET ALL THIS THOUGHTS!!! ARX..

me.. must remember i am a new me.. cannot think.. cannot.. only can wait.. arx..

must be happy..

me..
augustine.. should i call her or not..
still thinking..
hiash..

new me..

2005-10-12T15:43:00.000+08:00

heex.. arx.. this few days is relaxing day for me worx.. hahax.. everyday stay at home do nth.. hahax.. only go out play ball, pool then home.. or sometime pei my friend.. heex.. ytd got back my nyp results.. was happy that i pass.. but.. somehow.. i was not happy with my results bahx.. it wasn't that promising.. hahax.. who call me never study well.. heex..

then ytd went to play bball.. then my hand got scratches and cuts.. then somehow it let me think of the pass.. hahax.. when me and her together, she everytime will ask me to take care of myself.. dun get scratches or cuts.. and if i got cut.. then she will scold me.. see.. she was so caring bahx.. she so scared i will get hurts until she hate me playing bball so much.. but.. luckily she still there for me by myside when i needed her.. now she is gone.. i really hope one day she will love me bac? this few days without contacting her.. no toking.. no meeting.. no seeing each other.. me dun wan to make her angry again.. but i also dun know if she is happy or not.. but can only hope so.. hahax.. when hor.. we are together.. every holiday or every weekend.. we will always go out together no matter what de.. and now me got holiday but cannot pei her.. cox we not together le.. its already been so long.. but my heart still waiting for her.. am i dumb?

to me love has taken to another level.. i think i start to understand it more clearly le.. they way ppl think love is different de.. like some guys treat their stead extremely good.. but some treat like they dun care about their stead.. to me.. i think having a very very good trust between each other is very important.. in love.. trusting each other is very important bahx.. and also one more thing.. sometimes it is better to talk it out between each other like how they feel about a certain thing.. like cannot hide sth or what.. honest is the best bahx.. thats what i think and my opinion.. heex..

me is a new me.. new augustine le.. new but heart still waiting for her.. no matter what happen.. my love for her will never change de.. but this new me had learnt lots of thing thru love, friends, family and past.. the bad things i had change over.. the good things.. i had improved.. hope u all see a new augustine in the future.. the world is always changing.. me.. will always remain as augustine..

love
love me
love augustine me
entering a whole new world of happiness..
=)

bac lo..

2005-10-09T19:49:00.000+08:00

Finally bac le.. hahax.. been thinking about something recently bahx.. so long long neber update lo.. now update think will be constant le.. when i have time i will write de.. promise worx..

this few weeks quite happy bahx.. not much of sad things happen to me at all.. only at some times i like no mood or is thinking about something.. but in the end.. i always manage to be happy.. really.. promise..

me and her are now like strangers le.. no more saying hi to each other.. no more asking me to go out pei her.. or what le.. but to me.. me love for her will never change de.. i still love her.. waiting worx.. saw her friendster updated profile.. all i can say is word.. wow.. hahax.. nice design worx.. ermx.. can help me design to mahx? heex.. just kidding..

really happy to have friends by myside.. cox recently we been going out play pool, basketball.. chat about things.. quite fun bahx.. hahax.. maybe everything really happen for a reason.. maybe me breaking up with her is letting me see what friends are for or what can i do with my friends.. and also during those days with her is to let me feel what is love all about.. me really grateful with my life.. love it lots.. must apprecicate it le.. cannot lose it.. =)

now is the exam season for her.. hope she can pass bahx.. although i noe she hate studying but please study hard bahx.. and also to take care.. i noe i cannot do anything but.. at least be happy..

one thing that i really think clearly in my heart is that.. love to me.. is no longer that strange le bahx.. at least i do think so.. i think love has many types.. relationship, friendship.. all these.. heex.. it too contain lots of surprises.. heex.. look out for it bahx.. hahax..

me in this world will be everlasting happy de.. but sometimes when i am down.. so sorry.. cox emotions is very hard to control de.. me can be happy and next just see something or what can make me really sad.. but the only good thing is i dun show my emotions in front of my friends.. heex. like when i am sad or sad.. and no one knows.. i will remain cheerful and happy in front of them.. but deep down inside of me.. me is sad.. but i do not wish ppl to know.. i do not want to gain attention.. heex.. but me will try to be happy ok? hahax.. wish me luck bahx..

and also think i got two new gan mei mei.. hahax.. so fast got mei mei le.. hahax.. so take care u all and thanks for reading.. sorry for not updating..

taking love to a totally new level..
where love is only true..
no puppy love or ons..
only true love..
which is rare..
but..
when i believe..
it will happen..
trust in myself..
love..
love me
love augustine me..
ending here with a very very happy feeling..

loving every single moment of my life..
my heart was broken..
shattered to pieces..
but with my healing wand..
it shall be glue together..
hahax..
just kidding..
love a new me worx..
i am new!!!
love..

hurtx deeper

2005-09-30T11:36:00.000+08:00

my heart had been hurt again deeper than ytd.. hiash.. yesterday was actually happy de bahx.. went out with friend.. then later go play pool.. go eat.. then happen she msg me say giving me five minutes to say whateva i wan to say to her.. but... then i just ask for being a friend.. but she dun wan.. say what her stead will angry.. will jealous.. hiash.. if like that the stead cannot trust her.. then.. hiash.. dun know what to say.. last time when she stead with me that time, she keep on talking to him on the phone lo.. dun think i dun know.. dun think i am a fool lo.. but i still let her talk with him lo.. now arx.. become his stead lioax.. then his stead dun trust her.. relationship always base on how much each person trust each other de.. but.. i not going to say much bahx.. all i can say if one day sth happen.. hope she dun regret lo.. you wan to play games with me.. i too can play that similar game.. dun wan to tok about the past.. why? u scared arx? scare of facing the reality right? scare that u are not able to lift up ur head and walk right? all those things i did for u does not seem to be good to u right? all is not good enough for you.. tell u the truth.. i can bet that i did alot of good things for u more than bad lo.. only that is you always see the bad things only.. and not the good.. i pay those things for you right? you treat it as what? as a daily thing le.. like i must treat u like that.. and once i hurt you.. u will always remember that.. and neber even dare or take ur time to think of what i had done for you before.. ok?

i really dun know what to do now... everyone around me is all finding happiness le.. i only can wish all of them happiness.. and to all my friends out there.. dun need to worry for me.. i am ok de.. all i can say.. as times goes by.. my heart may be healed once more.. but i do not know how long le.. just forgeting her is an impossible thing.. i dun wan to let go.. is already very long since we broke up.. should i look for another? or.. what.. do anyone have that answer that i been trying to solve in my heart.. who will be the one loving me again? her? not sure.. love me

love
love-me
love-augustine-me
end17th

hurtx deeply..

2005-09-28T11:27:00.000+08:00

think i had found my answer to everything le bahx.. especially what i found out today.. hiash.. i had a very great dream last night.. i dream that my ex were in the same bus sitting together.. when all a sudden, she turn towards me and tell me that she is sorry and wan to patch back.. and later gave me a hug.. and i was so shock and stun.. everything feel so real.. i was so happy.. i was so happy till i woke up.. but when i found out that everything is just a dream.. some how.. sadness come over me again.. then later my phone got two msg.. one from her.. its her stead msg me to stop bothering her.. but why can't i look for her to chat? cannot mahx? hiash also dun know.. then later tot about a lot of things.. i did for her.. do u know that for her, i some how spend alot of money.. hiash.. i was really blind.. stupid me.. silly me.. i am a totally idiot.. to love some one.. me loving some one.. is a very very very unbelievable thing.. hiash.. i love her.. i did for her so much.. but did she appreciate it? fen.. u should know it urself.. what i had done for u ok? ya.. you say ur other ex is not like me.. still wan to be with you.. cox i had spent all my time, effort, money, on this relationship.. and to get this type of ending.. who likes.. i been cheated by you!!!!!! my 1st love.. i still remember the 1st day we stead, you tell me will give me a love that i will neber forget.. so do u mean by this? this is the love that i will neber forget right? i very painful one.. ya.. i am not a good stead.. any other guys out there are more better than me.. so u being with me is for my money only right? cox i rich.. so rich arx. tell u hor.. i now am broke.. do u know that? no right? and i still buy for u those top up cards, pay ur internet fares.. help to top up ez link cards, buy food for u to eat.. all these not enough for u? dun make u happy right? ok fine... me is lousy stead.. thats why.. i told u le.. u are my first stead.. anything that i am not doing correct can tell me? cox i really not sure what a stead should or should not do ok? and u wan freedom.. how come u neber tell me u wan freedom when i was still in holy high? tell me? u everyday will always be with me no matter rain or shin.. and after i leave holy, you tell me that u wan ur freedom.. let me tell u what i think.. is because during that time u and ur friends all not at good terms thats why u wan to be with me.. and i was that only fool who can pei u at that time.. then after i leave holy high le.. you and ur friends start to get back together.. and then think u miss those feelings of being with friends.. and from the 1st month of this year.. i think u already dun love me only.. and u cheated me.. i can agree one thing.. yes u did love me before.. but only till last month december.. the rest of the other months is all fake de.. u were just using me so u can use internet and have top up cards for free.. i know.. taking advantage of me right? cox every since that day u were dishonest with me.. i can tell it ok.. if there was a very good reason why u leave me and u tell me.. i am ok with it.. but i dun think u give me a good reason at all.. say what i keep on threatening you right? let me tell u.. that is just an excuse.. the real reason u know it inside urself.. is because u wan to be with ur friends again and found me useless anymore.. but only can be use as someone who provide money for ur things mahx.. right?

think i am totally hurt inside out.. going out for a walk.. fen.. do u know that.. what ever things that u dun like about me u can tell me? i can change? there is no need for quarreling to take place de.. hiash.. but...

love
love-me
love-augustine-me
totally hurtx..
inside out..
can someone ment this shattered heart of mine?

arlox

2005-09-27T21:50:00.000+08:00

heex.. today will be happy de bahx.. at least i will try.. yeah.. today went out with my friend to pass another friend something.. then later go play basketball with my friends.. again.. had a great time playing bahx.. hahax.. then later go talk talk a while then go home le.. heex.. nth much today worx..

then later when want go take bus that time.. i happen to see her house again.. and the same bus stop.. i tell myself.. not to think to much.. must always be happy.. so i go at the bus stop wait for bus.. then i saw sth.. i saw a couple together.. they were holding and waiting for bus.. was quite close de.. then was happy for them.. when the bus arrive, i saw the guy gave the girl a kiss and then went to board the same bus as me.. at this sight.. i was some how thinking of the past when me and her.. ya.. but in the end.. i still remain happy all the way..

heex.. and also met a new friend bahx.. verlyn.. heex.. hihi.. nice to meet u worx.. heex..

thank u 8tails, crazy gal, memories and all the other friends.. really.. i am ok de.. i am not crying upon losing her.. i am not sad that i dun have her love.. i am happy for her cox she had found her true happiness bahx.. if she is happy.. i am happy too.. heex.. dun worry about me guys.. i know how to control my emotions and feelings de.. heex..

yeah.. today i did it.. no sad thing worx.. hahax.. always remain happy bahx.. heex..

love
love-me
love-augustine-me
happy living here in this world where only heaven knows.. and heaven will one day sent a guardian angel and look over me de.. i believe so.. heex..

love as shown and tot me lots of things that i did not know in the past.. happy with every day that passes by.. heex.. too all those ppl who read my blog.. u all take care too ok? heex.. kkx.. end here lo..

ermx.. fen.. when free tell me can? i wan to tok to u about sth.. quite important bahx..

augustine end here lo.. bye!
=)

...

2005-09-26T12:59:00.000+08:00

this few days.. i think i going to miss her lots arx.. just now read those bulliten things posted by her.. i was wondering how she is.. she seem sad.. but.. i cannot do anything.. i dun know if she still treat me as a friend.. or had already forgotten the existence of me.. i really dun know.. i wish i had the answer.. i really do.. the way she answer those question let me feel a certain sense of sadness in her.. like she is hurt.. i really wan to find out more.. i wan to call her and talk.. make her happy again.. but i know i am not her stead.. i cannot do anything.. just hope that her stead can treat her better.. i was hoping for her to be my closest friend even though we are not stead.. but she seems to be drifting further and further from me.. but my love for her did not change a bit.. honestly.. i am jealous.. jealous that they guy she love is not me.. jealous and regret deeply in my heart.. but.. i really hope.. hope that her stead can really treat her more better.. better in a sense where he can take some time to accompany her go out walk walk.. cox i know she like to go out walk walk and have fun de.. from what i know, i only know she often hang out at kovan, compass, hougang point, all these places.. but she loves to go out walk walk bahx.. especially with someone she loves.. if i was her boyfriend.. i will always be there whenever she needs me, pei her go out when she is lonely.. do everything for her just to see her happy.. but sadly.. now, i only can think.. but cannot experience the love again.. sobx..

one thing that hurts me lots is that.. why is she treating me like this arx? after whatever i did for her.. those small small gifts i bought for her.. games, cds, books, necklace, bags, food, anything.. at that time.. i really tot she will only love.. but i guess.. i was a fool.. cox she say one thing.. that make me believe her.. one time.. when we quarrel until very very big.. i suggested to break up to end each others misery.. and she said something that make me regretted my mistake.. she say.. "then how.. after all the waiting i waited when you were having your o level, after everything i had to put thru your parents.. and now to break.. and whose shoulder shall i lie one whenever i am tired.. whose arms shall i hug when i am sad.. who is going to be there when i cry.." once i hear this.. i was somehow touch by her words.. and i am going to love her till the very last breath of mine in this world.. even now.. i admit.. i still love her.. i wan to be that guy to be there for her whenever she needs me de.. hiash..

augustine really loves u fen.. augustine is really sorry le.. he had regretted alot le.. now he knows his mistakes and promises to be a very good stead to you.. but augustine dun wan to break u and him up.. he only knows he can wait de.. augustine here can wishes u everlasting happiness and also hope that you and ur stead can be happy too.. dun be sad and confused le.. be happy bahx.. please do call augustine to talk sometimes.. he really misses u lots.. augustine was to have a very close friend.. can you be his close friend? augustine is always here de..

*pray* fen stead, please take a very good care of fen.. dun like her be sad and confused.. let her be happy more often.. thank you for looking after her.. and hope u can love her with all your heart *pray*

*pray* fen.. please try to work hard for this year exam.. i know you hate sch but at least please try to pass.. i know you can do it de.. i believe in you.. anything dun know can find me.. and also remember to eat ur food.. stop skipping lunch or dinner le.. later ur gastric more pain.. must really take good care.. there is always a place reserve for u in my heart *pray*

*pray* to all my friends out there.. all the best in what eva u guys are doing.. best wishes and also good luck worx.. remember to always stay happy and dun be sad.. if sad find me bahx.. me make u happy again in anyway i can de *pray*

hurtx
sad
me
augustine..
love
love-me
love-augustine-me
end14th

~aihyo~

2005-09-26T11:43:00.000+08:00

hahax.. everytime at night forget to update my blog.. cox me play and play till very late then very tired le.. so neber update.. hahax.. then now is holiday for me le.. so stay at home and update lo.. hahax..

ytd nth much happen bahx.. went out with family.. then later go play basketball, then happen to walk till her house downstair.. it reminds me alot of things.. when we are together and in the same school.. everytime after school, no matter rain or shine, what we are doing.. i will always pei her go home de.. i was so happy and honour to pei her go home.. and when reach that bus stop.. after she alight from the bus.. she would look up and smile at me.. as i am sitting at the upper deck of the bus.. and when she reach home, she will call me and we start to talk again.. i was so happy.. everytime i see her leave me, see her go.. i have a feeling that wants me to cry.. to drop my tear.. and i would say to myself whenever i see her.. take care my lao po.. in my heart i will always love you de.. really.. thats what i always do when seeing her go home.. but now i have no chance..

later going to compass point there.. dun know if got chance to see her or not.. but hope so bahx.. i so sorry to all my friends out there.. but i will try to write happy things one day.. but that day have not come yet.. one day i something happy will be written here.. i assure u..

love
love-me
l0ve-augustine-me
end13th

~24~

2005-09-25T00:01:00.000+08:00

today is the 24 of september worx.. 24.. heex.. this number will be always in my heart de.. heex.. well, i think i will try to be happy in this post worx.. got receive some comments about my blog thru my friends.. heex.. thank u guys.. actually you all dun say i also dun know that i been writing lots of sad things.. hiash.. it all depends in my feeling de bahx..

today was telling myself to always remain happy thru out the whole day.. cox 24.. to me, every 24 of each month will be quite a sad day for me bahx.. it was once the happiest and luckiest number of my life.. but it had all been gone just like that le.. but at least today i was not that sad.. although there are some parts where i was thinking and thinking about something.. but.. today i really had fun.. yupx.. i really did..

opps.. think my feelings are here again.. if today, we are still together, i think is will be 1 year and 7 months le worx.. its been very long.. but sadly.. it all ended 3 months ago.. and the most sad thing is that.. i still cannot forget her.. really think is part of me dun wan to let go.. me love her.. can i try to love someone else.. i dun dare to try.. i dun even dare to think of it at all.. love someone, is it very easy? i not sure too.. think today will keep it short.. heex..

feeling gone le.. playing game is up next.. hahax.. so i end her le.

augustine was here was..
loving u all lots..
love
love-me
love-augustine-me
end12th

~thinking~

2005-09-23T23:44:00.000+08:00

today was suppose to stay at home de.. but my mother wan me go out to my father shop.. so i go lo.. but go there do nth also.. hahax.. if give me choose, i rather stay at home.. heex.. today, my feeling was very funny de.. cox everyday i grow up with this feeling of loss of my ex.. in the past.. i dun have de.. i did not have any trouble with my feelings and emotions anymore.. but recently.. i start to miss her again.. i dun know what is this but.. maybe something is telling or giving me a hint bahx.. i also not sure.. to follow this feeling or what.. but.. maybe i will bahx..

today at my father's shop, let me think of many wonderful memories of me and her.. in the past, her house internet cannot use mahx.. then happen near my father shop there got a internet cafe.. so i intro her to go.. and she was quite happy bahx.. so everytime when she is free, she will come and find me and use internet.. i am very happy to see her and also most importantly, seeing her happy.. i paid for all the internet fares.. this is what i can do for her.. somethings i give her surprises like buying food for her to eat.. or can go out with her walk walk.. but sometimes.. sadly.. she need to go home herself.. and i cannot stand that.. the hurt, the pain.. i try to get rid of the pain by joking with her.. making her laugh again.. but.. she always goes home alone.. and i am very sad.. we did quarrel.. orchard mrt station is also another place where i will alawys remember.. i am always there waiting for her to come.. and then we will go to tang center there.. and i treat her eat the yaki tori Q chicken.. i know that is one of her favourite food.. so i will surprise her as much as i can.. heex.. make her happy.. yupx.. but that is all the past le.. often i wanted to be with her still.. seeing her laughing at my jokes.. lying down on my shoulder when tired.. holding my hand tightly and neber let go.. all this will always be kept in my heart.. do u know fen? i still love u.. i dun wan to give u up..

someone mention to me that i should stop loving her.. cox both of us will suffer.. sorry to say this.. but i think is not bahx.. i dun think she is suffering now.. although i not clear how her stead is treating her or how is she recently.. but from what she told me before.. she say she is very xinfu with him.. and i hope so bahx.. i not quite sure if she had already forgotten who i am le.. maybe to her.. i am already a stranger le.. but i also cannot do anything.. yupx.. but i love her.. i read before in some where that to love a person, u did not need to be with that person 24/7 or even must the other person love u back then that is call love.. i can love her.. i only wan her to be happy with her life.. only now.. i have limits.. in the past.. when i was her stead.. i can hug her when she cry or sad.. kiss her when she needed me.. but now.. as a friend or maybe a stranger.. i could only talk to her.. hoping maybe she will listen.. thats all.. or do small things to make her happy.. to see her happy is all i ask for.. so please dun ask me to stop loving her.. she needs someone to care for her de.. i dun wan her to be so lonely and sad.. i really hope her stead can treat her right..

i do not wan to be the guy who broke off their relationship so that she can be with me.. the only thing i can do it wait.. i really love her.. she is so different from other girls i know.. she loves her stead in a way that i think is very special de.. and i really appreciate it.. but its too late le.. thats why i love her.. and in this world.. there is only one her.. no one can replace her in my heart.. i will wait for her..

to me.. this three words i love you not only have a meaning but it represents something.. it represents me.. me over her for u.. and to love you.. and to show u the care and concern that u needed from me.. all i can say is.. i will not hurt u de.. i learnt my lesson le.. i hope u will always stay happy.. and next time see me can say hi? is all i ask for le.. last but not least.. i wish u happiness forever worx.. u really must take care.. if need help in studies.. find me? i will help u till the end de.. i will not leave u alone in the dark..

love
love-me
love-augustine-me
stranger in the dark..
heaven knows whose guardian angel i shall be..
end11th

~busy~

2005-09-23T00:06:00.000+08:00

opps.. sorry.. so long then update.. this few days been studying and preparing for my poly exams.. dun think can make it.. quite hard bahx.. sad is all i can say.. part is blame on me laziness.. hahax.. but.. hiash.. see how long..

today went out with my friends.. hahax.. today so happy.. last paper le.. then go out with poly friends to play lan like so call to celebrate like that.. spent 7.50 on the games.. so ex.. then later went my friend house.. cox later going to watch movie mahx.. free de.. quite nice.. hahax.. then later feel like going compass to see if i got the fate to see her or not.. cox i somehow have a feeling inside of me that she will be at compass.. and so i went and i happen to saw her.. inside of me was quite happy cox its been very long since i saw her le.. but sadly she neber say hi to me.. so its ok bahx.. she tell me she was in a bad mood. hope nth much happen to her.. only can wish for her to be happy.. yupx...

ermx.. recently.. alot of ppl had ask me to give up her.. even her herself also say the same things.. but this is my decision.. she is not suffering.. she is happy that she now is xin fu. i dun mind being sad.. being lonely.. or even suffer.. so what? if all my hurts and pain can be exchange for her happiness.. why not? to love a person does not mean that i need to be with her or to be even to be her stead so i can call love her right? all i just can do is to see her happy.. happy with everything she is doing.. i am contented le..

please do not worry for me much.. today been a long day.. time for a good rest.. take care lots ok? hahax.. whoever you are who always read my blogs.. thanks!!

love
love-me
love-augustine-me
end10th..

~ar chew~

2005-09-19T19:28:00.000+08:00

today feeling much better le.. today got my exam in sch.. hiash.. so sianx.. dun know how to do again.. but will still continue to work hard de.. hahax.. then later reach home do nothing.. but later going to study again.. work harder worx..

should i give up or should i not.. i really dun know.. till now, i still not sure.. its been quite long since we broke up but.. hiash.. i just cannot let go.. to me.. its like she went on a holiday and hopefully one day will come bac.. but i not sure if that is what i want it to be.. boo....

the story that i had promise will post later.. recently feeling quite weak.. very easily ache here and there.. or even tired.. dun know what happen to me.. dun wan go see doctor.. if there is sth wrong with me.. then.. let it be bahx.. i also dun know worx..

today still kind of weak.. so will not type much bahx.. when feeling better will write lots and lots de.. hahax.. sorry guys..

love
love-me
sick-augustine-me
end9th

do u love me?

totally sad case

2005-09-19T02:44:00.000+08:00

thankx guys.. i know u all wan me good.. want me happy.. but the problem is i still cannot let it go.. i dun wan to.. i wan be with her only.. i not sure why my heart feels that way but this is way i wan to be.. hiash.. confused and hurtx..

today been a sad day.. just finish my game of warcraft with my friends.. hahax.. have some fun there.. tml exam le.. need to work hard.. now go orh orh.. wake up then continue..

amy.. so sorry to hurt u time and time again.. hiash.. me not purposely.. me is my heart dun know what to do.. there are times i feel like giving up but there are times that i dun.. i not sure why i like that.. but i really hope there is an answer i can know.. hiash.. been doing lots of foolish things..

arx.. augustine!! get a grip of yourself.. hiax.. dun wan say much bahx.. only one thing i can say.. my life now had become better le.. feels like my lucky star is shinning on me once again.. but there is something missing.. not some physically but is something emotionally.. i only wan her.. no one else.. can replace my heart or her..

she told me just now that me and her cannot be together anymore. cox she dun wan me anymore.. is it true? i not sure.. only can say maybe bahx.. but what can i do? no matter how long i will always wait for u de.. just like a story in a book.. if a guy can do that.. i sure i can too.. will post the story other time..

and stella.. opps.. sorry.. when u online in msn i was playing games.. did not notice ur msg in msn.. quite sad.. miss out and opportunity to chat with u.. hiash.. i dun think we can chat like last time le.. when it was only u and me and we are happily chatting away.. this few days or weeks or even months without you had let me think of the past again.. please dun blame urself.. its not ur fault.. i dun blame you.. i only happy when u are happy bahx.. take care lots..

in this world.. there was once augustine sim who live on it.. but sooner or later.. he might leave.. dun know thru what ways but somehow something will happen.. in this life.. the only one thing he regretted is not having to appreciate and hold on to his stead.. he regretted it deeply.. only now he can wait.. but how long.. no one knows.. been rather happy with other things.. now only thing missing is her.. hope she will come bac..

and also hope her stead can treat her better.. dun always leave her alone running here and there.. been worrying for her.. but no one knows.. i do anything just to see her happy.. but i cannot do anything for her to return to me.. only one thing i can do is wait..

augustine today is no more love..
but is still the same me..
only hurts and sadness and pain..
hurtx..
hurtx-me
hurtx-augustine-me
end8th

?sad/happy?

2005-09-17T23:37:00.000+08:00

ytd went to sch for my exam.. hiash.. sianx.. totally dun know how to do.. scared fail.. hiash.. bo bian.. then later when out with poly friends lo.. amy, so sorry worx.. did not feel the vibration.. stupid me.. hiash.. after exam neber change bac to normal.. then still silent mode.. then amy msg me but neber reply.. then kind of make her unhappy.. so sorry.. promise that i will make u the most happiest girl in the world that.. really!! then later went to play basketball.. was at my top form ytd.. ermx.. guys.. i still dun get it.. why am i call xie mu wai dao? and the way i shoot the ball is call angel ball.. hahax.. and devil with angel? dun get it.. hahax.. but i tot my shooting style is call floater? hahax..nvm bahx.. then reach home lo.. played dota.. had a great game.. good long game worx.. 1st time play until so high.. hahax.. and also amy msg me.. wan her to be the happiest, nth but the happiest!!

then today was spending the whole day working.. neber go my youth club.. so sad.. hahax.. but its ok bahx.. then work le.. went to compass, want to look for friends but suddenly not feeling well then head home.. now think better a bit le bahx.. only feel tired.. hahax.. thats all i can say le bahx..

in this world.. there is one me.. and in the same world.. there is one u.. we once met each other thru friends, internet, chatrooms, become together as one.. hoping to last forever and give each other neber ending love.. our goal was to be with each other.. things did turn our the way we wanted it to be.. love, hope, dreams, fate.. but sadly.. a small mistake cox by me had turn everything upside down in a blink of the eye.. it must be my fate.. but i know some how.. we will be together again.. i dun know when.. i dun wish to know when.. i choose to believe.. believe in we will be together again..

let me be the one.. let me love you.. let me be with you.. let me guide you.. let me shower care and concern on you.. let me show you the way.. let me hold ur hand and walk thru every joy, sorrow places that we met.. let me.. let augustine.. let love..

let
love-augustine-me
love you once more..
in this world full of surprises, happy or sad, a stranger in the dark that is me is walking around.. showering love, care and concern on one particular person in his heart.. it is me, augustine.. loving u till my last breath in this world.. love, augustine, me..

love
love-me
love-augustine-me
end7th

~today~

2005-09-15T20:26:00.000+08:00

Well, today was quite ok bahx.. nothing much happen to me.. again, whole day stay at home.. wan to study for tml exam.. hahax.. so later will be studying thru the whole night lo.. meet someone new thru friendster.. very happy to meet her.. hahax.. all i can say is have great fun toking to her and so.. yupx.. hahax.. then when downstair play bball a while.. then my ex call.. was surprised she call.. so faster call bac lo.. then happen to say about her friend thing bahx.. haix.. i write meaningful things to my ex.. then one of her friend that she dun like go copy and paste all i written into her profile.. but i really write those meaningful thing myself de.. sometimes when the feeling comes, i can write alot alot alot worx.. hahax.. overall was a happy day bahx..

today go friendster, saw my ex account and picture.. she now looks so cute and pretty le.. feel like going to her and give her a hug and take good care of her.. was happy for her that she is going out with her friends le.. in the past, most of her friends somehow leave her alone.. then she very sad.. so i was always there for her.. thats why our relationship will so strong.. we are always together.. but sadly, after i started working with my father.. then i did not have that time to pei her.. so she was back with her friends.. and happily.. they get along le.. i was happy for her.. but sadly.. i let her go.. although i admit i dun wan to let her go.. i wan to love her.. i wan to show my care, my concern.. my everything for her.. but.. i.. just cannot do it anymore.. i dun her to suffer with me.. i dun wan her to be in pain.. i know that maybe this breakup, she may find someone better than me.. but in my heart.. i still wan to be with her.. will she ever return to me.. i really hope so.. now seeing the pictures, knowing that she and her friends are happily getting along very well, i am very happy.. and i hope that i can share this joy with her some how.. i really do..

the words that came out of her mouth, "we will patch back one day, but not now" is always in my heart.. i start to understand it le.. maybe now is not the time for us to be together.. maybe in her heart she really love me.. but due to something that she is not happy about she leave me, and so i will change.. i now know my mistake, my wrong, what i had done to make her treat me like this e.. so now the only thing i can do is wait for her.. and hope and pray that it may come true..

to her, in this world, i may neber ever find someone who is just like you.. you know that u are the one my heart wan to be with.. i had lost my chance to give u love.. but had change thru love, change just for u.. and hope u can give me that chance.. i neber ever lose it anymore.. i love you..

love
love-me
love-augustine-me
end6th

~love~

2005-09-15T11:03:00.000+08:00

is love a happy thing? i not sure bahx.. hiash.. been thinking of being love and love someone.. but is it possible? i am not sure too.. cox i dun think i am ready to fall in love or am i? why am i thinking of all this at the time like this.. die.. tml is my exam le.. but have not started studying.. hahax.. love can me a very wonderful and happy thing but some people like to differ.. like me bahx.. at 1st tot love is good and happy and will last, who knows, just in a while, everything all gone le.. but no one to blame.. only can blame me not knowing how to treasure and appreciate her well.. now to think of it, it hurts my heart lots.. but at least i did learnt something.. i now know how to treasure her more le.. appreciate her more.. but is too late.. will things go back in time? or will the time move or travel back just for me? or should i just move ahead and wait for another to appear in my life again? this are questions that i been thinking.. but no matter how i find, i just cannot find the answers.. been happy to know my friends.. they brought great joy in my life.. especially thank you stella.. you been there for me when i was on the verge of breaking down.. thank you lots.. if it was not you to be there i dun think i will still be able to be so cheerful.. so i wish u happy and may find someone who will treat u very good cox u derserve it worx.. really.. honestly!! and also to those ppl who hear my problems.. sorry worx.. keep on bothering you guys that time.. guess i was still unable to stick to reality bahx.. but now think i am fine le.. only one thing is worry about her.. wondering how she is now.. also happy to found my new friend worx.. hahax.. amy!! hihi.. thank u for adding me in friendster. appreciate it lots worx.. hahax.. u must take care ok? heex..

heaven knows where my path will led me too and hope that my guardian angel will led me to her.. dreaming blindly in love.. a stranger in the dark.. no one knows me!!

too beee connttinueed...
love
love-me
love-augustine-me
end5th

~happy~

2005-09-14T22:02:00.000+08:00

today arx.. hmm.. not say very bored and not say very fun.. hahax.. actually want to go play basketball at night de.. then the stupid light neber on.. make me play in the dark.. and no one playing.. wondering where everyone when.. so head for home lo.. but also good.. then i can update my blog.. or not later i forget again.. hahax.. today went out to help me mum run errand.. see.. so good orhx.. hahax.. just kidding.. then later go home do nth le.. hahax.. only online play games lo.. die.. two more days to exam but have not study yet.. tml must study le.. wish me luck!! heex..

today went out then have this sad feeling..cox i also very long neber go out shopping le.. everytime is go poly, then play basketball, stay at home, play pool, play dota, go youth club, but neber shop.. guess is cox of me bahx.. scare later reminds me of the feeling when me and my ex.. i still cannot forget her.. and i think i dun wish too bahx.. actually, i also dun know what is my heart thinking.. hiash.. must be happy..

24 this number hor.. use to be a very happy number for me.. and it was my lucky number.. cox my ex and me birthday is on 24.. but different month.. and we stead on 24 of a month also.. and so i guess 24 is my lucky number.. recently been doing everything will see this number.. like when i see the time, then will me like 5.24 or 18.24.. so zhun lo.. dun know why like this.. hahax.. but now.. i think will be a sad 24 for me le.. cox i lose her le.. regret.. hope can come bac to me one day..

my birthday.. falls on 24 of august.. but this year.. i did not so call enjoy my birthday.. but dun get the wrong intention.. i dun blame anyone for that.. i dun blame my friends for not celebrating, i dun blame my ex too.. only can blame myself.. instead of celebrating a happy birthday for me.. i quarrel with her.. so sad horx.. we call me so rush.. dun know why.. i just wan her and me to be together again mahx.. then... suddenly like i become another person lo.. thinks of it makes me sad.. too be continued..

heaven knows..
guardian angel..
love..
love-me..
love-augustine-me..
end4th

~opps~

2005-09-13T17:53:00.000+08:00

arx.. yesterday forget to update.. hahax.. so now write yesterday and today de.. well.. yesterday nothing much happen bahx.. whole day was at home watching tv, playing dota, surfing internet, eat, sleep.. hahax.. sounds like a pig horx.. hahax.. but i am not worx.. hahax.. just kidding..

then today go out to school to study.. but in the end never study much lahx.. study half way so sian then go find my friend lo.. then go eat play game.. then later go home.. so this two days very sianx. but tonight got shooting stars.. hahax.. can watch le.. yesh!! whole house to myself.. muahahax.. heex..

was thinking about her too.. wondering how is she.. i find that i am bluffing myself alot.. always telling ppl i want to forget her.. even she also wan me to forget her.. but i just cannot.. i am sorry for bluffing u all.. it is just so hard for me to forget her.. in my heart.. i still wan to be with her.. she told me that when she was with me, she was not the real her.. she had to be someone else just for me.. but i dun wish her to do that.. all i wan her is to be happy.. thats more important.. all married couples or dating couples wish for each other to be happy right? thats what i am doing.. but.. am i right? i am worried for her.. about her health.. her studies.. but i know i cannot do anything.. all i can do.. is just to wait for her.. i find that i learnt to appreciate you more now than before.. in the past, with you around, i often did not do my part as a stead.. and end up making u angry and sad.. so sorry to do that.. now that u have left.. i regreted my actions, my wrong-doings.. but it is too late.. but i choose to believe that u can come back to me.. will u? i promise i willl not hurt you.. really.. i will be the best ever stead that u always wanted.. at least, i'll try..

maybe this is my life.. i need to continue walking.. i believe that everything happen for a reason.. but what is the reason that she dun love me anymore.. i still not sure.. but i am determine to find out..

last but not least, everyout there.. stay happy worx.. thanks for being my friends.. you guys rockx.. hahax..

love
love-me
love-augustine-me
end3rd

~sad day~

2005-09-11T21:28:00.000+08:00

now everywhere i go will let me think of the past.. cox me and my ex almost went everywhere le.. been together for quite long bahx.. then also went out alot of times.. still cannot forget her.. the places we go are full of fun and excitement.. i can still remember every time when i wan go out with my ex.. i will be so happy.. cannot wait for that day to come.. cox i really love going out with her.. laughing away, toking away, joking, eating.. all this fun things will always be remembered by me de.. heex.. at that time we are inseperated.. we always go as one.. and neber leave each other de.. but as got one time i had to work and thats when everything change.. thats another story.. to be continued....

today quite sad for me worx.. was actually happy de.. working whole day.. then later i remember all my friends were kind of not feeling well.. so i tot of sending somehow a take care msg to everyone of them.. then happen to remember my ex.. she have gastric pain.. i very worry for her.. so i send her a msg.. not expecting a reply.. asking her to take care and becareful.. but who knows she reply me a msg that kind of hurt my shattered heart.. then that spoil my mood.. well.. i dun blame her.. cox maybe i did do something wrong.. or she was in a bad mood.. just hope she is happy can le.. then later a while later my mood then to get better.. so was kind of back to my old self le.. in my heart.. i pray silently for my ex to be ok.. let her overcome all problems and always be happy.. i dun care how much she hate me.. or dun know me.. but i still wan to help her.. today feeling strange.. like whole body no strength like that.. stomach have a very piercing sharp pain.. dun know what is it.. but it hurts alot.. dun wan see doctor.. no one knows.. keep it a secret.. will continue more tml de..

love-augustine-me
ended 2nd

~new~

2005-09-10T20:11:00.000+08:00

me today then decide to write blog again worx.. very long neber write le.. last time i write blog is because of my ex tell me to write.. that time she wan to see what i write.. so i write for her lo.. but now, she no longer love me le.. i wan to write all my happy and sad memories here as to remember.. cox my heart is always thinking of her.. now i know that she dun love me le but i still dun wan to let her go.. i dun know why.. part of me still love her.. my friends all told me to forget her.. some even try telling me ways.. but none work.. all i can say is.. if one day there is a chance for me to love her again.. please let it happen.. maybe i was blinded by love or make stupid by love for doing such things.. for waiting for her.. but i choose to believer so.. i wan to believe.. i wan to love her.. i wan the us to become the same way as we did last time.. i miss her lots every single day now she is gone.. i know no she got bf.. all i can do is hope for that guy to treat her better.. i dun wish to see her in pain, sad and in tears.. all i wan for her is to be happy.. to be continued....

today is quite a fun day for me.. went to east coast play and play.. hahax.. btw.. thanks to u guys for for helping me out in this blog.. thanks.. i appreaciate it.. will continue next time with more things bahx..

to her.. in my heart now only got you.. i dun care with u hate me, dun like me, dislike me or what.. but i still wan be here for u.. if u need help just call or msg me bahx.. and if there is a chance, maybe u give that chance to me and we will be back again.. thru this break up i learnt alot of things.. if u were to give me another chance, i promise to love u and not to hurt u.. and i believe u when u tell me.. we will patch back one day.. i wait for that day to happen.. really!!

love-augustine-me
ended