euu typedd*:
blog
(Thursday, May 25, 2006-)
+5/25/2006 03:21:00 PM]*
# it just was not my day..-
Its not my day.. what i mean was i am very unlucky this few days.. dun know ish sth wrong that i had done or what.. cox i been having bad luck.. surprise that i update my blog so early today? cox i reach home early..
well.. today was suppose to meet her.. was kind of happy to be able to pei her alone today.. only the two of us.. cox its been quite long since i had that chance to be with her.. i have a lot of thoughts in my mind.. like where to go.. do what.. i just enjoy being with u.. but who knows things did not plan out what i wanted it to be.. her friends last minute want to go k box and invited her to go.. when she ask me how.. i just told her that she should go and enjoy cox i think she will be happy enjoying and singing.. thats what she like to do.. and i cannot force her to be with me cox we are not together.. and also i love to see her happy cox i love her.. and i did sth good today.. i did not show her a face.. cox ytd night i promise her.. i will not show faces in front of her..
i read her blog.. it was not something i expected to be.. so i kind of hurts and sad.. and cause some serious commotion between me and her.. but i know that i am wrong.. it was just my bad luck that she did not see something in me.. something that i had change for her.. but its ok.. at least i did my part.. i always send her home.. see her reach home safely then i go off.. i always go down and find her when she ish bored and lonely.. i do whateva i can just to make her happy.. but i guess it was my bad luck that she did not see all those in me.. or maybe what i do did not touch her abit cox she never quite notice me bahx..
actually i really had fallen in love with u again.. i so sorry to say this.. i just dun know why.. something of u attracts me.. i love being with u.. i cannot wait to pei u.. i cannot wait to go out with u.. i cannot wait even toking with u on the phone.. i went to the bbq just because u call me to go.. i went to pei u cox i know u are lonely.. i just hope to see u happy.. and thats enuff for me.. well at least i guess..
but there ish sth i did not tell anyone.. i been hiding inside of it myself.. i do have problems.. huge and painful problems about love.. but who can i say too? who can i tell too? i cannot possibly tell her about the problems i am facing cox is about me and her.. i scare if i tell her le.. she will think i am those guys who are desperate for love.. and then cause our friendship to be gone.. i rather not.. at least i will keep quiet to myself..
was kind of happy that day u came and u hug me.. at the at the bqq and the chalet.. guess i was moodless that day after my drink of beer.. was feeling low.. cox i was troubling one 3 different things.. love, studies and family.. well.. my friends came over and ask me what happen.. but i just tell them that i had some troubles.. i want to be leave alone.. until when she come to me.. she ask me whats wrong.. and ask is it because of her.. i dun wan to answer.. but no choice.. i cannot make her unhappy.. so i told her.. sorry.. i hate myself.. cox i just cannot seem to forget u.. i wan to love u.. at that moment after i say finish.. i break down.. she hug me and tell me that we are all friends.. dun think too much.. i lean forward.. pull her head and give her a small kiss.. i do not know if she was to drunk to react or what.. but i did kiss her.. she gave me a few more hugs and she left.. cox i told her to go and enjoy herself.. but she want me to come over lata.. i promise and she left.. when going home.. she ask me for a piggyback ride.. so i carry her all the way to downtown there.. it was fun carrying u.. actually i dun think that was ur first time i carry u.. if u remember last time when we are together.. i did carry u before when we are at upper there..
all my memorise seems to be stay forever in my heart.. i do not understand how u forget me but i just cannot forget u.. but i can honestly tell u that i had fallen for the new u.. and not want to talk back about the past..
it was just my bad luck.. i dun blame u.. please.. dun think it this way.. its not ur fault.. my bad luck just that u dun like me.. or have any feelings for me.. well.. i can understand that.. i can see what problems u are facing.. like what i did ytd.. i observe the reason why u are sad and i got it.. i kind of good at these.. but guess i was not good enuff for u.. in the future.. i will tend to avoid my problem more.. but avoiding it will make it worse.. what to do..
as i sit a await for u call.. i miss the days we spend.. i do not know if i can have another chance to be with u again.. or maybe just to pei u for one day alone.. only u and me.. now there is another one in ur life.. i just afraid that u will leave me alone.. i dun know.. and i dun hope that ish true.. i dun wan to be that guy who u know that only can buy ciggy for u thats all.. no.. i dun wan u to think of me this way..
sobx.. i sad.. help me.. someone tell me what to do.. i feel so lost.. i dun know where to go.. what to do.. can u just come bac in arms again.. i want u to be the happiest and luckiest girl in the world.. i dun care what my parents or what other ppl think.. thats their problem.. me and u..
hiashx..
love
hate
hate me..
hate augustine me..
hiashx..
i love you..
the story ends like this;
________________________________________________________________________________
(Wednesday, May 24, 2006-)
+5/24/2006 11:38:00 PM]*
# hate myself..-
i hate myself for loving u.. i dun wan too.. but i just cannot.. looks like its the end of the road for me.. for what i done.. love ish indeed strange.. i hate it.. why.. why.. is it me? i sux.. i not a good person.. hiashx.. i should have guess it all along.. i am right.. but u just won't admit.. now the truth is out.. ya.. it hurts deep in the heart..
its no use what i do now.. i tried so many things to be with u.. make u happy.. but u dun seem to appreciate a single thing i did for u.. did u had already taken me for advantage? just because i pay for ur thing.. thats why u come find me? i can provide ciggy.. then why u come find me? is this the truth.. hiashx.. it hurts lots.. to know that i did so many things for u.. but none come back in return.. not even a thank you.. hiashx.. all he done was talk to u and u stick to him like glue.. he change.. what about me.. i change too..
no matter what i can neber win others.. in ur eyes.. i really i useless guy.. am i? or maybe not to u only.. maybe to everyone.. thats why no one will like me.. i just dun get it.. i really dun.. i hate it.. i hate my life.. i hate everything.. i even hate myself.. hiashx.. i really dun know what to do..
since u start to like him then go ahead.. i have nth to say.. i even tot of suggesting maybe its time u forget me again.. i be alone from now onwards.. no where to go.. no one to pei.. i will do that..
the story ends like this;
________________________________________________________________________________
(Friday, May 19, 2006-)
+5/19/2006 11:23:00 PM]*
# zzz..-
Today nth much happen bahx.. went out.. play basketball but in the end play nth.. cox all like no mood.. then dun feel like playing.. then go eat sit down and talk talk..
while.. was actually having a good mood.. everything seems happy.. fine.. nth wrong.. till sth happen.. it ish not i cannot take a joke.. or what i dun have a sense of humour.. ish that what u say to be is quite hurting.. i dun know if u realise it but i really do hurt me.. let me tell u why.. imagine.. i been doing so many things for u ever since i met u.. pei u when u sad.. buy u things make u happy.. pay for this and that.. just to do anything to make u happy.. then all u say.. to me.. he ish better than me.. then i become to think.. i do so many cannot even be better than he just talking and chatting with u? so strange.. of cox will feel hurt de mahx.. if u put it in a nicer way.. then at least it will not hurt.. and now say i show attitude.. if u are me how would u feel.. i really dun understand..
hiash.. maybe in ur heart.. i really am not a good person.. i really dun know.. maybe i just some kind of person u are using now to keep u busy.. not so lonely.. some more can smoke also.. or what.. i really dun know what time of person am i in ur heart.. i really wish to know.. no matter what i do ish always leave a bad impression in ur heart no matter what i did.. how good i think i did.. or what bahx..
can u understand my feelings? is not my attutide.. is it hurts me to see u say like that.. cox it ish really not a joke to me.. hiashx.. am i really that bad in ur heart? ur impression on me?
can u explain and tell me why? call me and say.. what am i to u.. what do u think of me.. just tell me straight into the face.. hiashx..
augustine..
hiashx..
the story ends like this;
________________________________________________________________________________
(Sunday, May 14, 2006-)
+5/14/2006 10:11:00 PM]*
# the truth..-
heys.. got to know the truth le bahx.. think we be best friends ish the best.. at least friends can last longer than stead bahx.. maybe that ish true.. i trying to think positive thoughts.. no negative things will appear or go thru my mind.. cox i will make my mindset very clear..
come to think of it.. i remember once when i am with her.. we quarrel and then were toking on the phone.. suddenly.. both of us were crying like siaox.. cox it ish really very hurtful.. scolding and saying each other.. finally when we calm down.. i tell her that we break.. be friends.. best of friends.. cox friends will not feel so hurtful.. friends will last longer than stead.. but we remain loyal and dun stead with other ppl till we are old enough and we can be together again.. and that time.. she cry and told me she did not wan like that.. she dun wan to break.. at that point.. my heart crack right in the middle.. and we still remain together..
so i guess.. if this is what i wanted at that time.. i should stick to it right now.. cox this is what we are going thru together except for being loyal to each other.. both of us have this freedom and right to find another person to love again.. so i should not feel so sad and down.. and make a stupid wrong thing that will cause me and her to be cannot be even friends..
this is my final decision..
but maybe we will patch back one day..
who knows..
hmmx..
today play ball.. play till so shiok.. lol.. neber had i play this way.. but with my leg still injured.. i guess i still got to rest and wait for it to heal completely till i can play well again bahx..
i know u have change but so am i.. but if friends is what u wan us to be i have no objection to that.. thanks for hearing me out that day.. appreciate what u have given me.. given me that chance again to be friends with u..
i love u..
love
love me
love augustine me..
endx..
the story ends like this;
________________________________________________________________________________
(Saturday, May 13, 2006-)
+5/13/2006 11:55:00 PM]*
# surprising me-
Today was kind of a interesting day bahx.. well.. i decided to pon scs.. just to pei her.. cox i scare lata she lonely.. meet her and chin at 11.30.. then if chin and me go scs de hua.. she will be alone sit outside.. then i dun wan her lonely cox i know what she ish going to do whenever she ish lonely outside alone!!!
i did something that i did not expect myself to do.. i was thinking whether i should say it or not.. but curiosty got the better of me so i go ahead and tell her about how i feel towards her.. saying about the past.. the reason.. of everything i could think of at that moment cox it been kept in my heart for so long and finally i get this chance to tell her everything.. been quite emotional for me but i manage to stick thru it.. there lots more for me to say.. but.. i dun think i ever have the chance again.. but chin appear.. and then i know that it is the end.. cannot say le..
for me.. i know already whats the answer.. but i hope that it ish not true.. on the other hand.. she had not given me an answer.. all she told me was why i wanted to choose her.. and she tell me to forget about it.. but at least it is not an answer.. or maybe i dunch wish to know the truth.. cox the truth might be to hurtful to me.. i really enjoy spending time with u.. treasure every minute and even seconds.. seeing u beside me ish like the happiest thing in my life..
i think i come to a point where i can understand things better.. i know what to do and what not to do.. sometimes i really hope u can gib me another chance.. to prove to u.. to show u.. it is not that i dun wan to be friends with u.. yes.. i like what we are now.. friends.. best friends.. but in my heart i often go over the extend of thinking we are friends.. there are times where i almost wan to go forward to hold ur hand.. even to give u a hug.. i just dun know is that what i should do.. i am confused..
i love being with u.. i like it more when i see u happy.. i know we cannot be together so i will only hope u can be happy.. now my choice in my life.. without ur answer yet.. i will still be the person in ur life to make u as happy as possible.. so that u will not feel sad.. will not give up hope on whateva u are doing.. u have change since we 1st meet.. not say u change worst or what.. but change to another person that make me again like u again..
1st love is the hardest to forget..
but will i be the one to forget it?
love
love me
love augustine me..
please say yes..
=)
tml going to play ball.. well hope i can go.. some more ish mother day.. hmmx.. happy mothers day.. =).. but with my leg injured like that can i play? hmmx..
the story ends like this;
________________________________________________________________________________
(Wednesday, May 10, 2006-)
+5/10/2006 11:35:00 PM]*
# what is jealousy..-
why do jealousy have to appear in my life.. why am i jealous of others.. cox their life is more better? cox they get to spend their life with someone who they love and being love by? i just dun know why.. seeing other people happy makes me jealous of them.. how i wish i could treasure that someone in my life.. but for now.. i dun think there will be anyone.. no one seems right.. or maybe no one seems right cox i already found the right one? this ish what i heard or watch from a show..
if what i guess ish right.. i found the right one for me.. there will be another problem cox i dun know who that person ish.. is it her? i dun know.. arhx... seeing other ppl so good to her and also she good to other ppl kind of making me jealous.. shit me.. what am i doing.. falling in love again? i really guess or think that i starting to like u again.. oh my gosh.. what to do.. zZzzzzzzzzzzzz..
confused..
never in my life i might think that we will be able to talk again.. or maybe get to sit together.. go out together.. well.. it did came true.. i really appreciate and treasure those times with u.. i dun know why.. but there ish a certain feeling that i feel when i am with u.. its feels so different from other ppl i go out with.. i dun know how to explain that feeling.. like being with u alone let me feels that theres no one in this world only me and u exsist.. i could sit beside u for hours not doing anything but just looking at u doing ur things ish very pleasing enuff for me.. i miss those days we once spent.. although i know to myself that the past is gone and not be able to appear in my life again.. but i just sometimes hope that we may start afresh.. starting again with new love, new life.. recently in my dreams i dreamt of u.. dreamt of u just beside u.. i could just feel it.. felt so real.. but when i wake up and come bac to reality.. a certain sadness appear in my heart.. cox how i wonder it can come true..
there is one happy thing and that ish that my mother and i have got along better.. well she is still angry over me.. but.. now at least she talks to me.. its makes me happy though.. cox today i am able to tell myself that i am the luckiest person to be alive today cox today really was kind of a good day for me bahx.. all is missing now is the love in my life.. i been searching for u high and low waiting for a miracle to happen.. so that u can appear in my life once more.. i dunch know who are u.. but are u searching for me like that way i am searching for u now?
i dunch know..
love
love me
love augustine me
what to do now?
sit and wait..
can u gib me a sign..
or sth so i can love u again..
the story ends like this;
________________________________________________________________________________
(Sunday, May 07, 2006-)
+5/07/2006 11:24:00 PM]*
# bad dream..-
today i woke up with a very bad dream.. well.. its not a nightmare.. hahax.. but to me ish a bad dream.. toopid dream anyway.. zZz.. i dreamt about the person i like have a boyfriend lo.. toopid dream right? anyway.. that guy even act like he very close to me.. oh man.. but luckily i woke up and found out thats not true.. phew.. but still everything in that dream felt so real.. hope tonight might give me a better dream.. hahax.. sth like i can be with the person i like.. hahax..
if u are wondering who i like.. well.. thats a secret only i will know.. hahax.. bleahx..
i just reach home anyway.. these fews days keep on coming bac around this time.. lucky for me.. my parents neber say much or scold me.. but still i need to be more considerate.. cannot take advantage de.. oh man.. tml got to study till very late.. hate it lots.. zZz.. but no choice..
thats all for today i guess..
very tired..
nitex..
love
love me
love augustine me..
=)
the story ends like this;
________________________________________________________________________________
(Saturday, May 06, 2006-)
+5/06/2006 11:44:00 PM]*
# bball time-
hahax.. today was quite a fun day.. cox i get to play my basketball.. hmmx.. cox long time i did not have this type of fun playing basketball.. well anyway.. me and my friends had decided to upgrade our skills.. so think we will be playing every friday and saturday of each week.. this can help me loss some weight.. hahax.. cox honestly.. i been getting kind of fat recently.. hahax.. dun know ish a good thing or not.. hahax.. maybe i look better when i am fat? hahax.. just kidding.. hahax.. alot of jiao wei.. hahax..
hmmx.. my and my mother still not in good terms.. hiashx.. actually i dun like that.. i rather everyone around to me be happy.. especially my parents.. i wan to make them feel proud of me.. in some way or another.. but whatever thing i do just dun seem to make them proud.. but in a way make them more angry with me.. sometimes i do think if there is love in the family.. well.. i also dun quite know.. but just hope one day everything will be fine for me for once..
and maybe because i cannot find love in the family thats why i have this feeling of searching of love outside my family.. but me seem that there ish no such chance.. hahax.. but at least i still need to thank one person.. my ex stead.. but i dun think i should call it as ex stead.. it sound kind of odd for me.. i should call it a person who taught and show me what love can do and feels like bahx.. well.. i really need to thank her lots.. cox i did learn alot of things.. hahax..
eh.. thankx.. hahax..
btw.. there ish still got some one worx.. my darling.. hahax.. also need to thank u alot of pei-ing me thru everything.. hahax.. really appreciate and enjoy what we do together.. hmmx.. to make things clear.. the what we do together is like go out have fun or what only worx.. hahax.. scare lata got ppl think differently.. hahax..
well.. i am off to doing my things.. hahax.. leg cramp like siaox..
love
love me
love augustine me..
hahax..
take care lots my friends..
especially u..
=)
the story ends like this;
________________________________________________________________________________
(Friday, May 05, 2006-)
+5/05/2006 11:14:00 PM]*
# i am bac..-
Long time no update le.. so now i think ish the best time to update again.. well.. there been alot of things happening to me lately.. got good and got bad.. i dun know if i like what i am going thru now or last time..
sad things are that i fail one of my module and then need to retake that one module causing all my other module to be in different classes.. well the good thing is that i can make more friends.. but again.. i still prefer my class.. owww.. but no choice.. cox this ish what i do to myself.. no one to blame but only me..
anything sad thing ish that me and my family are in bad terms.. hiashx.. i really dun understand why.. all i wan is for everyone around me to be happy.. but it seems like this goal cannot be realise.. when i wif my girlfriend last time.. when i am in good terms with her.. me and my family will always quarrel or what.. and when i am quarreling with my girlfriend.. i will be very good with my family.. what logic is this? i really dun understand.. and some more now i dun have girlfriend lo.. also quarrel.. hiash.. really very complicating.. zZz..
but on the other hand there are also good things that happen to me mahx.. i now get to care for her again.. well.. i dun know why but i like to show my care for her.. making her feel good and happy.. and i hope that what i doing now for her she will appreciate.. maybe i starting to like her again? i also dun know.. hmmx.. but still.. i like the way we are now.. hahax..
i still hope to enlarge my circle of friends.. making new ones.. and of cox not forgetting the old ones.. hahax.. old ones.. like they very old.. no la.. hmm.. change in a nicer way.. my present friends.. means those that are now my friend.. and not those presents that u give away on christmas.. hahax.. opps.. there i go again.. me and lame or should i say childish jokes.. hahax.. cheap cheap.. ar ar.. expensive expensive.. (i think only a few understand this joke).. hahax..
anyway i am now much more a cheerful person i guess.. no more thinking of that past which is a good thing.. so i can look forward into the future.. so happy..
well.. will update again..
promise..
hahax..
love
love me
love augustine me
xzZz_mEx
i only wan to show my love to u.. but not sure if in ur heart did u feel it..
=P
the story ends like this;
________________________________________________________________________________